From the day we are born, we are taught things. We are taught to speak, to write, to spell and everything in between. As we progress in life, we are taught social ethics, we get to know the difficulties life brings our way, we are taught to be strong and face our problems.
What we miss out are the very basics of human nature
, we are never properly taught ways to avoid toxic and harmful relationships, we just get warned without the means of getting out of them or turning them into something they’re not. This article is going to be just that, I’m going to talk about ten of the most harmful and toxic relationships that strong people stay away from, let’s begin.
1. Ruthless Relationships
A “ruthless relationship” is one where you or your partner forget that the other person has feelings and just disregard that fact for your own well being. Ruthless relationships lack the act of forgiveness, if one person makes a mistake, the other person will use that mistake against them forever. They’ll say the forgive you but they’ll never mean it and you’ll see the glimpses of their ruthlessness in every argument and it will only get more overpowering with time. If they don’t respect your feelings, they don’t deserve to have you, be with someone who will.
2. Relationships that lack trust
The trust you have with your partner is the only key you have to that one door that leads to a happy and strong life together, if you lose the key, you lose access to the door. It’s very simple, you just cannot be with someone if you don’t or can’t trust them, or if you feel like they can’t trust you. Trust is the most powerful and encouraging feeling in the world that gives you the strength to face any obstacle life throws your way, no matter how big or small, you’ll always come out smiling as long as you have faith and trust in someone, I’m talking about blind faith and complete trust here.
For those whose trusts have been broken, try to repair them by giving them a second chance, everyone deserves a second chance. But don’t let that second chance lead you to the third, fourth and fifth chance or you’ll find yourself strangled in a back and forth relationship.
3. “Back and forth relationships”
I don’t like talking about it but I was once in a back and forth relationship, and it was simply brutal. Back and forth relationships are relationships that are very weak and destructive, where two people keep breaking up but keep getting back together after every few months because they “truly love” the other person, they don’t. One thing that I want to point out is that if you “truly” love someone, you simply cannot see them suffer the sorrows of being without you for even a day, how can you truly love someone if you can normally stay apart for a few months and then get back together and commit the same mistakes again?
It’s a never-ending vicious cycle that only you can stop. Back and forth relationships are highly dragged and they slowly suck out every ounce of feelings you have in you. If you decide to break up with someone, you need to properly analyze every situation before making any bold moves.
4. Relationships based on emotional blackmail
Playing with someone’s emotions is one of the weakest things one can do and such relationships are extremely short-termed and toxic. Relationships where someone uses your emotional triggers against you just to screw with your mind and make you do things their way. Such relationships are also governed by one person and should be avoided at all costs. If you notice even the slightest hint of blackmail in the mix, leave.
5. Relationships where the past rules the present
When you commit yourself to someone, your past goes out the window (it should, anyway). You start a new chapter of your life with someone, you make way for a better future and you try your best to make your present as happy as you can. One of the most toxic of relationships is where the past controls the present, where someone would use your past mistakes to make you quiet during an argument, where they would constantly remind you of your previous traumas to win every fight, where they use your weaknesses to make you listen to them, DO NOT be that person. Be with someone who doesn’t care about your past enough to hurt your present.
6. Relationships based on codependency
When you forget your own needs and base your entire life around someone else, that’s codependency. Codependency is extremely toxic in the long run. You might think it’s very sweet that you take all of your decisions based on what your partner thinks, that you don’t like doing something if they’re not around, that you need their approval in even the smallest things in your life, it’s not sweet and it’s a very weak place to be in.
Once you develop the habit of being codependent, you’ll soon lose contact with “YOU”, you’ll lose your individuality, your happiness and sadness is now nonexistent and everything revolves around your partner. You’re going to be very bitter with your partner in the long run if you become codependent, you NEED to have your own say and take on life.
7. Relationships based on lies
One lie begets another. Being true to your partner is the very essence and the most basic foundation of your relationship, you cannot taint the foundations of your relationship with even the smallest of lies. So you like someone and you feel like impressing them, you think adding a little lie every now and then to make your personality sound amazing isn’t going to hurt, wrong! It’s going to bring your entire relationship down in the long run, don’t be a player, be yourself. Be true to who you are from the get go if you want complete transparency (something that is extremely hard to find in today’s world).
8. Relationships based on “perfection”
You don’t fall in love with someone because of how “perfect” they are based on social norms or expectations, you fall in love with someone because of how “perfect” they are in their own twisted way. You can’t base a relationship on idealistic expectations because those relationships don’t exist in the real world. We are all human and we all have flaws and weaknesses, if we hide them from our partners then we are better off without partners.
9. Relationships that make you feel “complete”
I’ve said this countless times before, you simply cannot be in a relationship before you completely know and love yourself. If you rely on someone else to be your happiness for you, you’re not going to be happy for very long because you’ll slowly become a burden for the other person. You need to be “complete” on your own before you share a life with someone, you need to be content with yourself, happy with who you are, satisfied with where you’re going in life before you commit yourself to someone. Relationships are meant to enhance the feelings of being happy and complete, not BE the feelings.
10. Relationships controlled by one person
Relationships are between two people, two people who are brave enough to give someone else their trust and love. They can never be controlled by one person, it’s just not possible. I’ve seen a lot of such relationships where one person runs the show and also brags about it, that’s not a relationship, that’s dictatorship and it always ends badly for both the of people involved.
Strong people avoid being in such relationships, unless equal effort is put in from both sides, a relationship can not blossom or grow. If you feel like you’re being run by the person you love, you need to set some records straight and let your voice be heard, because you just simply CANNOT let anyone run you, you have your own say about life, you have your own take on things and so do they, respect each others’ processes and help each other grow.
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