6 things that can ruin a perfect relationship
Even the strongest relationships can be brought down within seconds if some things keep happening again and again. The strongest of lovers have their limits and they can only support one another to a certain level before the “spark” goes away. Here are six things that can ruin a perfect relationship.
1. Avoiding talking things out
I was once in a relationship where my SO and I never talked about any of our fights, instead, we just shelved them and pretended to move past them. Needless to say, after a while the shelf collapsed and we realized it was too late to talk things out. Don’t let that happen to you. Fights in a relationship are normal; I mean people fight about dumb things like not putting the toilet seat down; that isn’t a problem.
The problem occurs when you are unwilling to tell your partner that you find it very annoying that he doesn’t put the seat down, you will keep ignoring the problem till sooner or later you just blow up and say things you don’t mean because of all that pent up anger. Understandably, sometimes its better to not say things during a fight because you both may end up saying something you’ll regret later on. However, there is a way to go about avoiding that while at the same time talking things out.
Take a 10-15 minute timeout after a fight, get in a calm state of mind and think how you can say something to your partner without hurting his/her feelings or coming off as too harsh. Or maybe instead of talking which can very easily turn into a shout down, you could try passive aggressiveness and write to your partner. Write a note to your partner, tell them why you are angry or hurt.
You could even make a box and drop notes in it about things you want to talk to your partner about or things they do that bug you. This could work in the case of talking about the negative feelings that build up inside you. Writing is an extremely therapeutic way of working past problems. Also, never go to bed angry. It’s just not worth it, your sleep will be fitful and you’ll just let the negative feelings simmer.
If you have an argument and you decide to just leave it there, it won’t end there. Whenever a fight happens, it is vital to put an end to it by properly talking things out, not by ignoring it and thinking it’s gone, it’ll still be in your minds and it’ll come back to bite you during the next argument. So solve your battles right there and then.
2. Not saying sorry when you should
Sorry is just a 5 letter word which should not be too hard for anyone to utter. However, for a lot of people it is, because it becomes a matter of pride and ego. It’s hard for people to admit they are wrong but when you are in a relationship you need to realize that you have to compromise your pride for the sake of the person you love. Own your mistakes.
Trust me, saying sorry won’t make you a smaller person, instead it will just make your SO love and respect you even more. Remember: if you intend on living with someone, there are going to be a lot of moments where you are going to mess up or they will. If both of you are too stubborn to apologize you are going to run into a lot of problems that could potentially ruin what could have been a beautiful relationship.
Also, try not to discuss your fight with someone who may be biased towards you because they will most definitely tell you that it isn’t your fault, you shouldn’t be the one apologizing and that your partner needs to stop taking you for granted.
From personal experience I can tell you that this won’t help your relationship in anyway; instead it will just create bitterness between you two. Sometimes a ‘sorry’ isn’t enough because words just aren’t enough sometimes. You need to prove to your partner that the thing you are apologizing for will not happen again.
It’s acceptable for you to make mistakes, I mean who doesn’t, but what’s not acceptable is for you to make those mistakes over and over again like an obstinate fool and not learn anything from them. Your lack of action towards reforming yourself may come off as a lack of love for your partner. Show your partner that ‘sorry’ isn’t an empty word for you.
When you do something wrong, it befalls on your head to make up for it and it starts with an apology. The apology is then followed with some actions that tell your partner that you meant every word. Don’t be the sort of a person who hates to apologize because of ego or pride, be real. There is nothing wrong or small about owning up to your mistakes, we all make mistakes.
3. Forgetting your goals in the process
As I said before, self sacrificing behavior is not good for you or your relationship. Just because you share your life with someone else now does not mean that you let your individuality slip away. Be your own person. One of the most beautiful things about being in a relationship is that you have someone with whom you can achieve your goals with, so then, why on Earth would you forget your dreams and aspirations?
The worst part about forgetting your goals in the process is that it reduces you to an un- ambitious and boring person and it kind of just takes the spark out of your relationship. Your partner fell in love with you for your drive and energy; don’t let go of it. Just like letting yourself go and letting negative feelings builds up resentment, so does forgetting your goals. In the beginning you don’t realize it but slowly you start blaming your partner for holding you back and not being supportive enough and that can ruin your relationship.
Care about your partners goals and ambitions, but don’t forget your own either. Some of the most successful relationships are those in which people are able to help their significant other achieve their goals.
A couple I knew, helped each other achieve their goals by doing a very simple thing; while the guy was in college the girl worked and supported them, once the guy graduated and started working, the girl went to college to pursue her goals. Compromise is key, self sacrifice? Not so much.
A relationship is supposed to make you achieve your goals with more support and strength, not forget your goals in the process. Don’t forget your ambitions for the sake of the relationship, not only is it not attractive, but it also slowly hurts you inside and you realize it later on. You love your partner but you also love yourself and the life you live, don’t ever forget that.
4. Being too critical
No one person is perfect. Expecting perfection from any human being is asking for a bit too much; as human beings we are built to be flawed, mistakes are second nature to us. Understandably, sometimes our partner’s habits can be a bit too annoying e.g munching too loudly while eating, however to make a relationship sacrifices need to be made and sometimes those sacrifices take the form of not being overly critical. Remember, being in a relationship means to build each other up, not try and bring them down.
What you may think is constructive criticism may just sound like negative criticism to your partner and lower their self esteem. Another thing being over critical can lead to is that your partner starts seeing you as a control freak, trying to change everything about them. You don’t want that is it will definitely damage your relationship. Love your partner for who they are, don’t try to mould them into something you want them to be. Even if you do succeed in doing that, you’ll reach a point where you’ll realize that this isn’t the person I fell in love with and it will be your entire fault. Learn to compromise and accept people as they are.
Criticism from a loved one can shatter someone’s confidence and devoid them of self esteem. Way too much criticism from a person can reach a point where it turns into emotional abuse and if you feel like you are with someone who has reached that point, then walk out of that relationship, because it isn’t worth that much psychological damage. Keep your criticism on a down low and if you feel like you are overly critical at times, stop and apologize to your partner.
Nobody likes a hypercritical person, they suck the life out of everything. If you’re used to being critical at times, try to work on yourself. If your partner is too critical, tell them how it affects you and how they need to stop criticizing your every move. My ex used to criticize everything about me, she thought it would boost my confidence, it had the opposite effect on my life and I never felt more weak about myself.
5. Letting yourself go
Most people, when they get into a relationship are so obsessed with making it work that they absolutely forget about their wellbeing and focus completely on their partner. This type of self sacrificing behavior is not good for you or your relationship. Self love is one of the most important things ever; both for one’s self esteem and for mental wellbeing. Letting yourself go means not focusing on building yourself up as an individual and this can be extremely detrimental to your love life.
Talk to your partner and work out some ‘ME’ time for yourself. Don’t be afraid that your partner might react negatively to it; it’s very likely that they may need it just as much as you do. Take some time off your relationship to work on yourself. Have a spa day or find a hobby which helps in developing you as an individual. You don’t have to do everything with your partner.
Dragging them to your friends party may seem like a great idea but it’s not; a) they may not want to be there and would so much rather that you enjoy yourself there while they have some quiet time at home, b) your friends may not like having them around all the time and that can ruin your friendships and leave you isolated. Being the martyr for your relationship will just make you bitter and will affect how you interact with your partner.
Letting yourself go will lower your self esteem and you will project that onto your partner and ruin your relationship with them. One of the main reasons that a lot of perfect relationships get ruined is because people lose themselves in the relationship, then one day they wake up and realize that they don’t know who they are; things just go downhill from there. Your partner loves you and they want the best for you. They don’t want you to ruin your health for their sake.
Your relationship is as healthy as you are, you can’t give all of your attention to your partner and let yourself go in the process. Not only is your partner not going to be okay with it but you’ll slowly start feeling worse and worse about yourself and your well-being. Remember, you can’t love anyone until you completely love yourself first. Love begins with you.
6. Letting negative feelings boil up
A relationship that is completely devoid of any conflict is close to impossible. It’s only natural for negative feelings to arise when you are spending so much of your time with another individual. Keeping these feelings inside, and letting them simmer and boil just leads to even more resentment. Your partner is supposed to be someone you can open up to completely, someone you can talk to about anything and everything, so don’t hesitate to talk to them about any negative feelings that may arise and if you feel like they aren’t someone you can do that with then maybe you need to rethink and reevaluate your relationship. Also, be tactful about how you communicate the negative feelings to them.
They might be very understanding but being too blunt with them may lead to them being hurt. Try to have these conversations face to face with them, don’t talk to them about these things on text. An emoji can’t convey emotion as well as you can and your texts might come off as colder and more offhandish than you meant them to be. Another good idea would be to turn to your best friend and discuss how you can bring up those negative feelings with your partner.
It might even help you in opening up to your partner and get you warmed up for a talk with them. If you are in it for the long haul, then doubt will be something that will bug you from time to time, instead of hiding it from your partner, talk about it so that they can reassure you and vice versa. It is unbelievable how comforting a simple, ‘ Don’t worry, I’ll always be with you’ can be.
Always remember to talk about the negativities as soon as you feel them. Don’t keep them in your head for too long or they’ll keep developing into bigger issues that’ll come out later and when they come out, you and your partner will have a bad time. So it’s always better to keep an open level of communication and to never keep anything that’s bothering you hidden from your partner.
There you have it folks. This was a short article based on the things most people neglect. Hope you guys liked it. As always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
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