We all have good and bad times in our relationship, but there are times when things get out of our control and we just stand there clueless, not sure whether to go through it or away from it. When we are finally out of a dead-end relationship, we often wish we could have seen the signs, but only a few of us can see them during the relationship and not after it, we are oh-so-blinded-by-love, after all.
If any of these signs are persistently a part of your relationship, you have a serious problem to consider.
1. When you fantasize.. A LOT.
I’m not talking about absent-mindedly fading into a random scenario when you’re bored and inattentive, I am talking about wishful thinking. When you start to imagine being single or want to do things without your partner, like travel, party or just want to be by yourself, you find someone cute, want to be with them instead of your partner and it’s not just a harmless crush, you actually want to be with this other person, or you have mentally broken up with your partner many times, then subconsciously you’ve already withdrawn from the relationship, but too afraid to accept it consciously. It is normal if you fantasize about someone occasionally, but when it becomes a way of filling the void, that lack of feelings you and your partner have, has created then it’s time to stop being untrue to yourself and your partner and just say the word.
2. Constant complaining
You are out with your friends or just hanging out with your family and all you do is vent out and complain about your partner and how bad things are in your relationship, it is normal to vent out a little but if it’s all you can talk about then you need to reflect on your relationship. Nobody wants you to spread negativity around, but you can’t seem to help it, you are so stressed because of your relationship that it is the only thing on your mind and you can’t wait to explode.
3. When your relationship starts feeling like a burden
We get into relationships thinking and wanting to be happier, a good relationship should help you grow in every aspect of your life. When a relationship takes up more energy than it gives, the bad outweighs the good and you feel like it is more of a burden than a blessing to be with your partner, you stop having fun together and happiness seems to be fading away and nothing seems to be working for you guys then there is no point of being in a strenuous relationship.
4. When the relationship becomes lop-sided
It takes two to make a relationship sustainable, but if only one of you seems to be making all the efforts while the other person is just not bothered, doesn’t think it’s important to work on the relationship or has dismissive behaviour then you can never carry it forward. The person doing all the hard work will slowly get tired of giving it their all and receiving no input in return, their under-appreciated commitment won’t last long and they’ll eventually give up.
5. There is little to no physical intimacy
Physical chemistry goes hand in hand with mental/ emotional chemistry, it is normal for a long term couple to lose some of its initial passion but when you have had a dry spell for a long time, can’t remember when was the last time you kissed your partner or having sex with them feels more like a chore, when you don’t feel passionate about them sexually then it means that there is something big going on with your relationship outside the bedroom, it is normal to grow apart physically when you two are not happy with each other generally.
6. Lack of trust
It is very essential to completely trust your partner, if either one of you has a habit of going all FBI on their partner’s mails, messages, social media etc, then this behavior is a huge sign that the relationship will eventually end. Lack of trust can also be a result of a previous incident of infidelity, if you can’t get past it no matter how hard you try then you should stop hurting yourself and your partner and call the quits. No relationship can survive, ever, without trust.
7. Avoiding contact
When you are in a happy relationship, you would want to spend more and more time with your significant other, you enjoy their company and actually miss them when they’re not around- not the opposite. If you find yourself avoiding your partner, when you would rather work over time than spend time with your partner or simply stare at a white wall than be in their company because of how unhappy you are around them, realise that your relationship is going down the hill.
8. You feel like you don’t know the person
Nothing is more important in relationships than communicating with each other, it is a way to create a better understanding, it brings you and then keeps you closer. If you feel like you can’t tell your partner how you feel or what you want because they won’t sympathize, if one or both of you are stonewalling the other, you don’t even know where your partner is on a weekend and you don’t even want to know, then something is terribly wrong with your relationship.
Another red flag is, when you two don’t talk about the future, if you guys have been together for a while and never discussed the big picture, future family, goals, careers etc, that’s because you either don’t see them in your future or simply don’t want them to be a part of it, if you fail to communicate on such basic levels then it’s time to stop wasting time on the relationship and let go.
9. You fight more often than not
Having fights every now and then does not signify an unhealthy relationship, they are a part of human interaction and how we choose to resolve conflicts. What should ring a bell is, when these fights become so frequent that it is actually surprising when a day goes by without fighting, when fighting becomes the only way you two communicate, when the fights get so gruesome that they go far enough to involve verbal or physical abuse, no apology can ever make up for this hurt and disrespect. Nobody deserves to be in a negative, draining relationship. Your friends avoid hanging out with you guys as a couple because you have turned into an ‘always fighting’ duo, you radiate negative vibes. If you find yourself always engaged in an inconclusive fight, over and over again, be it petty issues or serious ones, it’s time to take yourself out of the vicious cycle.
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