You will never meet a couple claiming that they never argue; it’s just not possible. No two people are exactly alike. With different personalities come different opinions, so at some point or another, arguments become inevitable. This is completely normal, even healthy for a relationship. Arguments are harmless as long as they are dealt with properly and not dragged on. However, if not taken care of, even if they start with petty things like the colour scheme of your room, it can end in either one of you moving out.
Handling an argument can be very tricky, especially when you’re dealing with someone who tends to be temperamental. Here are a few things you could do when in an argument with your partner;
No matter what happens, never lose your cool, especially if your partner is all worked up. One of you has to be calm in order to control the situation and keep it from worsening. Be patient. I know it is easier said than done, but if you consider that even if they’re saying things they shouldn’t, it’s probably out of anger, and mean nothing. But then again, don’t allow them to ridicule or abuse you in any way.
Many people have this habit of giving the silent treatment to their partner in an argument. This is never the solution; in fact it may even create more distance between you two. It may come off as demeaning to the person on the receiving end, and even if they were trying to sort things out previously, they might not be as bothered any more. Despite of how tense things are, never stop communicating. Just discuss why you’re/they’re upset with a certain thing and what can be done regarding it. Work together to come up with a solution that appeases you both.
Never bring up past conflicts
Always deal with the matter at hand without EVER mentioning past issues. It only aggravates the situation. Without solving the present argument, you go back to something that you’ve already spent time on in the past. Bringing up something like that only shows that you never made peace with it even though you made them believe that it was settled. It creates a feeling of ill will in them and they not only doubt you but think of you as a hypocrite. And from that point onward, they find it difficult to believe anything you say.
Forget the existence of ego entirely
Ego is so damaging to a relationship that it should be kept out of the equation. Do not let it ruin anything. There is no harm in being the first one to reach out after an argument even if you didn’t start it. If you both value your ego more than your relationship, then your relationship is bound to be doomed. What happens is, that in some made up fear of losing your position in a relationship neither of you do anything to patch things up, even when that is the only thing you both want. Consequently, the relationship is strained.
Choose your words wisely
You need to understand that people tend to become volatile in an argument, even if they are usually calm and composed. Never say anything you don’t mean. Don’t be hurtful. Do not for even a single second forget that you still love them and that an argument is just a minor hiccup, this will keep you from saying anything potentially damaging to the relationship. If you say anything of the sort, you will only further irritate them and they would reciprocate. As a result, the argument will only worsen which is never desirable.
Keep the tone of your voice in check
“10% of conflict is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to delivery & tone of voice” –Unknown
Even if something harsh needs to be said, if you say it in the right tone, it would have the intended effect rather than the wrong one. Don’t raise your voice. Your words should never reek of hatred, sarcasm or disapproval. This never helps and only drives the next person away. Again, this is something very difficult to achieve, as anger gets the better of everyone, but it is equally important.
Don’t be stubborn
It isn’t a bad thing at all to be opinionated. However, you should be open to the fact that your opinions can be wrong at times. In times of conflicts, your judgment is clouded and you fail to see your errors. But it is very important to be able to realize that, and try to correct them. Don’t be bent on imposing your opinions on them especially when your opinions are faulty. Give them a chance to speak their peace and hear them out with an open mind.
Don’t lose perspective
Don’t get carried away with the argument. Keep reminding yourself that the relationship holds more importance for you than the argument, and that you love your partner. With this in mind, you’ll save yourself from saying too much or going too far. If you feel that things are getting too heated up, just put a pin in it for a while. It could be helpful to even give them some perspective; and maybe you’d both go easy on each other.
Hopefully this would help the next time you’re in an argument with your partner. Remember that you’re going to come out stronger as a couple on the other side of an argument. Be patient with each other through that period. Listen to each other. Try to look at things from each other’s perspective. Remind each other of the love that you both share and that nothing could ever be worth giving up on that. Since you both want the same thing i.e. to get past it, why not do it together. Deal with conflicts as delicately as possible and you’ll be just fine.
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