We often sit and think about our past relationships and what actually went wrong with them. Sometimes, it’s not something you did or your partner did, at times its just how you both handled a situation together. Most of the fights are due to misunderstanding and mishandling of the whole situation. Here are a few ways people fight or argue that ruin the relationship.
1. SILENT TREATMENT
This technique might seem to work on your partner but remember, by giving your partner the silence treatment is just a really bad idea for the following reasons; A. you are making them used to your silence. No matter how much they love you, at some point, they will become used to your silence and for them putting a permanent silence to your problems won’t be a problem. As you yourself have slowly conditioned them to live without your presence, same goes for someone who breaks up and makes up every other day.
B. Once, they get used to you treating them like this, they will not feel that they need to stop themselves from doing something that you might not like. For the simple reason that when you give the same reaction every time, they sort of become OKAY with it. Not that they don’t care, not that they are bad people. Just because they have been made used to something, they can now take that silence without feeling bothered.
2. FIGHTS THAT DEVIATE FROM THE MAIN CAUSE
This is the most common kind of fight. When we fight or have an argument with our partner, we lose the focus because at that time everything that has ever bugged us is coming to our minds. Just because we cannot control thinking about all those past fights, we mention them again and again in every fight. This deviates you from the topic and the fight remains unresolved. Remember to focus on the main cause of the fight. Do not connect everything wrong that happened at some point in the past to your current argument.
3. INVOLVING OTHERS IN FIGHTS
Some couples often involve close friends or families in their fights. Arguments are meant to be there when you are a couple, it’s completely normal and couples need to understand that arguments are meant to be dealt by the two, among themselves. A lot of my friends involved their close friends in their fights to help them find clarity or, to be honest, they just wanted someone to come tell them who was right and who was wrong.
This again needs to be decided between two partners. Involving a third person means that you might take a risk of involving a pessimistic person who might bring negativity and ruin a perfectly good relationship. Also, by involving a third person, you are completely violating your partner’s privacy which is a huge blow to your partner’s ego. Why make the problem big when it can be solved between two people?
4. THE VIOLENT FIGHTS
Such fights are never logical. A logical argument does not require either of the two to try and impose their point by raising their voice or hand. A violent fight ends because one of the two is too violent and the other partner gives in. This is not a solution. Do not consider such a fight as a resolved fight, such fights have only intimidated one of the partners.
When somebody is suppressed or is a victim to an abusive partner, they might let things go in their partner’s favour out of fear but one day, when they become tired of being a victim for so long, they retaliate in the worst kind of ways. So why push something that is heading for doom?
5. THE CONSTANT BREAK-UP AND MAKE-UP FIGHTS
Fights where you break up and after a few days, make up. A lot of couple I knew did this and sadly broke up, eventually. Such couples break up on every fight which, basically, does not end a fight through reaching a solution. Instead, they just give each other time to forget about the argument or the thing that caused it.
A couple that only has such kind of fights will have a relationship full of unresolved issues.
Unresolved issues give birth to a thousand more problems. By the time you realise that, you both have given up on the relationship. Secondly, such kind of fights will never let the couple feel like a couple. Every time they fight, the two go their own separate ways till they have forgotten about the problem. This way, a couple will never get used to sticking with each other through thick and thin.
In the end, the only and the best way you are left with is to sit with your partner and make things clear with them. Your words should be impactful, not your voice or your actions. Eliminate all these poisonous fights and strike for a healthy and mature relationship.
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