When we really are in love, the initial phase is the best part. Your feet barely touch the ground and you feel all giddy and excited as soon as you think about your partner.
During this beautiful “honeymoon phase”, we often, unintentionally, avoid a few topics or maybe just don’t pay too much attention to them. Partly because we don’t think it could matter to us and partly because we don’t want a SERIOUS or CONFLICTING topic ruining this phase.
But trust me, these things that I am about to mention, need to be discussed as soon as you both feel comfortable enough to share with each other. These discussions will give you a greater insight to the way your partner acts and responds to certain things which will, in turn, help you solve the problems that come in your relationship.
1. THE PAST
The foremost thing that you need to talk about, as soon as you feel comfortable with them, has to be their past and your past. I don’t necessarily mean their exes but generally the past. Things that have affected them. We all have our demons from the past that haunt us because of which we start acting a certain way in various situations. Like this friend of mine who has been having issues with her intimacy levels. My friend, who was sexually harassed when she was young by a very close family member.
For her, every time her and her partner became intimate, it gave her flashes from that incident and she just stops enjoying this act of making love to her 2 year-long partner. This often results in her partner acting frustrated and them fighting over petty things. Once she finally expressed her feelings and explained her past, he calmed down. In fact, he began to make her feel completely protected and comfortable whenever they were in bed.
Not only this, but many a times, a child who is from a broken family often becomes too quiet or outrageously stubborn which ends up in a lot of fights between them and their partners.
So, in short, it’s important to know where the damage has been done and how you could save the relationship and help your partner out.
2. THE FUTURE
As important as it is to know someone’s past, it is equally important to know what someone plans for their future. Discussing the future will give you a much clear idea of where you stand in their life. Also, you will find out if your and their plans match.
I have seen so many couples break up, who were perfect together, just because one of them didn’t want kids and the other did or one of them wanted marriage so soon and the other one didn’t. It’s better to find out at the earliest what they think and plan on doing. The sooner you find out, the better!
3. WHAT CAN WE CHANGE ABOUT OURSELVES
A relationship demands compromise and patience. We often say we shouldn’t change for someone and every one should accept us the way we are. I agree. But I believe this is only true for the things that constituent to major part of our personality. There is nothing wrong with small changes or efforts we do to make our partners happy. For instance, you might like your hair down but he likes it in a tight updo. It doesn’t mean that whenever you are with them you SHOULDN’T let your hair down but every once in a while it should be done. Such small efforts count a lot. Ask your partner what they like in you or what could make things more appealing for him.
As a relationship goes on, we become used to certain things and we search for variety and newer things in the relationship, that’s human nature. If you don’t keep things fun and appealing, you and your partner might feel that flame extinguishing itself very soon. So always discuss and spice up your relationship.
In the end, I would just say this is my point of view that has worked for me so far. For you, it might be different but the key remains the same, that is, discuss with your partner. I cannot emphasise enough on how important communication is. It’s important to pay attention to things that will contribute in making your relationship a long and a healthy one. Put extra efforts to understand your partner whether its through the ways told above or any other that will help you know about your partner a little more.
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