At the very beginning, all relationships are beautiful. You meet someone, you feel this spark ignite in your heart, you get to know each other, that first touch, the first time you realize that you’re in love, you feel like you just can’t contain the excitement and love that you feel at this point.
A year goes by, and more often than not, you’ve given into the realities of life, you can’t remember the last time you felt excited about seeing your partner and most of your time together is spent in pointless unending fights.
To avoid reaching this dead end to your relationship, make sure that you don’t give in to the following actions:
Every single person has imagined what a perfect partner should be like for them. It’s fine to fantasize about getting someone like that and even try to look for those set qualities in the person you’re actually seeing. But what makes this a problem is when you’re so bent on finding the exact qualities that you had always dreamed of, you start wanting your partner to change and adjust to your expectations in every possible way.
Every individual is unique and will come with a set of good and bad qualities. The key is not to change their bad qualities with force and compulsion but try to understand and accept the reasons behind them. Love them for who they are, not for their ability to change into the person you want them to be!
Trying to make it a power game
Everyone wants love and affection but no one wants to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, the one who does not create any sort of a facade, the one who isn’t afraid to admit how madly in love they’ve fallen. So we set out to create this strong and indestructible image of ourselves, we portray that nothing or no one can affect us and if there’s ever a fight, we make sure never to admit our own mistake.
When you constantly keep doing this, then your relationship slowly turns into a battle of egos where both of you are just fighting constantly to stay on top of the other.
Jealousy & Possessiveness
So this comes at the other end of the spectrum of the above-mentioned power game i.e. being too emotionally attached, exposed and vulnerable enough to actually suffocate your partner with love. You constantly question your partner about where they’re going, who they’re going with, why that certain friend you hate is with them at the moment, and even questions like who is more important to them- you or their friends?
Anyone who needs to ask and assert their importance in someone’s life this way will probably never get the love and importance that they so desperately want.
Constantly putting up a show
Sure, we all try hiding our flaws and flaunting our merits in the very start of a relationship, the point where we’re just getting to know the other person. That makes sense! No one wants to scare away someone at the very beginning but if it’s been a year since you’re together and your partner still has absolutely no clue about how sloppy you sometimes get while eating or how you have absolutely no interest in the video games he keeps forcing you to play, then you have a huge problem at hand.
The beauty of a long-lasting relationship lies in knowing that you have at least one person who knows all the tiny little details of your life and personality and loves you for them.
Playing the blame game
No one likes admitting their mistakes or accepting that they were wrong, especially not when they’re in a relationship and are already part of a complicated power struggle (Read point 2). This is where one of the most common and annoying things in a relationship start- blaming the other person for their own as well as your mistakes.
Even when you know in your heart that you were the one who was at fault this time, you come up with a reason to somehow completely blame the fight on your partner, either by bringing up something they had done ages ago or just plainly blaming them for everything without any solid reasons.
Bringing up past issues, time and again
I can forgive but I won’t forget! We are all too familiar with this age old statement. If you’re in a relationship, there will be fights, you’ll say stuff you never meant to say and do things that you didn’t even know you were capable of. But when it’s all over, when the storm has passed and when you actually sit down in a peaceful manner to talk things over, please remember to actually forgive AND forget.
Don’t just temporarily agree to forgive your partner and then note down that very mistake on your score card in order to remind them of what they did over and over again in future fights.
Giving in to people’s opinion of the relationship
The minute you decide to enter into a relationship, you’ll see people from left, right and center coming over and giving you their uninvited opinions, advice and warnings about your love life. Since most humans can’t actually deal with the idea of someone else being happy on their watch, all of this input will mostly lean towards the negative side of things.
The key here is to know with full confidence that the only people who can judge what position a relationship is in are the very two people who are in it. So have some faith in your relationship, in your partner and just remember to avoid all the above actions once you’re in a relationship.
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