10 things I learned from previous relationships that make me a more suitable partner
The relationships that ended badly and the people we left behind weren’t necessarily an incarnation of pure evil. Life is a never ending learning process and we need to make a few big mistakes, get stuck with some wrong people and have torturous relationships to actually learn and to make ourselves better and stronger for the second chance that we might get, for that next person who’ll enter our lives.
So every time we fall down, every time we get our hearts broken and every time we do the same to someone else, we get a few valuable lessons. We learn what mistakes shouldn’t be repeated and what actions should be maintained in the future.
Here are 10 things that my past relationships have taught me well:
Sh*t happens
You get busy with your careers, one of you moves to another city, you start talking less and less with every passing day and at one point, it just stops feeling like you’re even in a relationship. Sometimes, it’s not clearly one person’s fault when a relationship ends. Sometimes, your biggest enemy isn’t your partner, it’s not the distance between you and it’s not even your fluctuating feelings. The real enemy is just life, sometimes.
It doesn’t go as planned, it doesn’t give you the time to adjust and everything just starts falling apart. Stop fighting for something that has stopped making you happy and set each other free to find your separate destinies.
Accept yourself for who you are
Flaunt your assets all you want but don’t try to hide the things you’re conscious of. Accept the fact that your teeth aren’t perfectly straight but your smile still is absolutely beautiful. Accept that your partner’s ex was much taller than you and don’t try to hide your height by wearing uncomfortable heels all the time. Be confident about exactly who you are because that’s what makes you more attractive.
The universe doesn’t revolve around you
Your partner just got back from a long hard day at work. Just because they’re not paying complete attention to what you’re saying at the moment doesn’t mean they’ve stopped loving you. Everything in the world is not about you! Give them time to relax. Don’t just start creating a scene and don’t mistake exhaustion for indifference!
Your partner can’t read your mind
If you’re angry or sad or upset about something, anything in the world, then just say it! Tell them how you feel. Don’t expect them to treat you like a puzzle, don’t expect them to put all the pieces of your thoughts together all by themselves and don’t get mad at them if they never seem to magically understand and solve all the problems you never even mentioned to them.
Texts are bound to be misunderstood sometimes
It’s funny how something that was meant to be one of the most efficient forms of communication causes the most horrible misunderstandings and fights. You write this one harmless thing and your partner takes it completely out of context and throws a fit. And you’re no better because you do exactly the same thing as well. So, remember to utilize texts only for the absolutely light-hearted talks not for the deep ones, not to discuss your feelings and definitely not for the fights.
There are always two sides to a story
No one can possibly be a 100% right or a 100% wrong in a certain quarrel. If you’re having a fight or a disagreement, try to be understanding enough to actually listen to your partner’s point of view, to be ready to accept your own mistakes too and to compromise a little for the sake of your relationship.
There’s a thin line between love and obsession
Love is a wonderful feeling and when it really hits you, you tend to go overboard, you tend to forget your limits and the only thing that feels right is to constantly shower your partner with love and care. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Show all the love you can, do all the things you want to but try to make sure that it really is love and not just a one-sided obsession.
If your partner never seems to return the love you give and you still find yourself running aimlessly after them, then maybe your love was only an obsession with something you couldn’t have.
Halt the important discussions for when the time is right
It’s not necessary to start imagining a complete future with your partner the minute you get into a relationship. That’s just not how it works! Take enough time to know each other better, give your partner the space they deserve and save all the important discussions for when you’re both equally ready and committed towards each other.
Don’t let the excitement die down
After the first few weeks or even the first few months (if you’re lucky), you stop giving your undivided attention to your relationship, you stop giving each other surprises, you stop expressing your endless love for each other, and you give in to your monotonous, busy lives. You allow your relationship to get boring, you let the excitement end and eventually, you actually start feeling like this isn’t something worth fighting for.
Don’t let this happen! Continue to be thoughtful, continue to take interest and continue to make things exciting even if it requires a little conscious effort.
Revenge is never as satisfying as it sounds from afar
Be careful of the decisions you make. When you’re left desperately hurt, angry and broken by someone you loved, by someone you trusted, you can’t help but want to make them feel the exact same way. You want to take revenge. You want them to know how it feels. However, if your judgement has been clouded by such emotions, just stop and reconsider!
Stop yourself from doing something you’ll regret, stop yourself from making a bad decision and stop yourself from becoming the very person that you despise.
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