8 life lessons you’ll get from failed relationships that no one ever talked to you about

You can read all the books in the world, watch every movie that was ever made, and hear stories of all the inspirational people that ever lived. All these things will probably make you more knowledgeable but they won’t do as much to make you wiser. So stop whatever you’re doing and just think for a moment!

Think of all the people you ever got involved with, think of the way they made your world turn upside down, think of the amazing experiences they gave you, and then think of the time when they just left, the time you felt like you would never be able to get out of this depression, the time that still sends shivers down your spine. Think of all these moments and tell me. Didn’t you come out of them so much stronger and wiser than before? Didn’t you learn things you couldn’t have found in a million books? Didn’t they help you grow and become a completely new and better person? They did, right?

So value the amazing partners you had, value those relationships you couldn’t stop from failing and recall all these lessons that you got out of them:

Over-analysing things will get you nowhere

Your relationship just ended! This one person who meant everything in the world to you is just no longer there. You don’t know who to tell all your stories to or cuddle to sleep with and you feel like you’ve just been left alone in the middle of nothingness. At this point, it’s completely natural to start overthinking about why this had to happen, why they had to leave. You’ll obsess over all the tiny little details of the reasons behind it and you’ll think of all the possible situations where it could have been avoided.

But after a certain time when you’ve drained your mind with all these obsessive thoughts, you’ll come to the realization that all this analysis is completely pointless. You couldn’t have stopped this from happening in any way possible and whatever happened was just meant to be.

If you can’t find a reason to love yourself, how can everyone else?
Sometimes, we get so involved in a relationship, we try so hard to make it work, to make the other person love us, to just make it last forever that we forget our own worth. We forget that our life is not just defined by this one relationship we have. In this quest of finding more and more reasons to love our partner, we forget to love our own self. And when this relationship that we were trying so hard to save eventually fails, we become even more demoralised and tend to lose faith in ourselves even more.

What we learn at this point in life is that the only way others will be able to see and acknowledge the light in our soul and the only way they’ll ever learn to love and respect us is if we learn to love and respect our own self first.

There’s no point in playing the blame game

You were both in this together from the very start, you both made huge mistakes along the way and when you finally broke up, it wasn’t just a result of whatever happened at that one last moment. No! You know in your heart that both of you had started to give up a long time ago, both of you had stopped giving in your all and both of you are equally responsible for how it ended. So stop trying to blame it on your partner, stop remembering all the things that he/she did wrong and start acknowledging the fact that the two of you are mature, responsible adults who took this decision together.

Moving on will be a rocky road
You just had your heart broken. One of the most important people in your life just isn’t by your side anymore. This is not something trivial. This is not something you’ll just forget in a day or a week or even a month. You might feel happy and content one day and then extremely lonely and sad on the very next one.

It’s easy to start thinking in that one moment of weakness that maybe you never made any progress at all, that maybe you’re still completely stuck on that person who left but this isn’t true! Don’t beat yourself up about the emotions you feel. You will need to experience all the happy moments and all the sad ones and you will learn to embrace them all in order to truly move on.

You may return to the people you had left behind and that IS okay sometimes

It’s their birthday today and you just can’t stop thinking about how you were always the first person to wish them since the past 5 years. You’ll try to convince yourself that you shouldn’t but you’ll end up wishing them anyway. It starts from a simple birthday message to a call the very next day just to ask how they’re doing. All those feeling and all those memories will start rushing back to your mind and you’ll agree to meet each other just once.

For old time’s sake, of course! You’ll be all polite and loving towards each other in the start until that one awful topic comes up, the one reason behind all your fights, the thing that made you part ways. You’ll know what a huge mistake you have made and you’ll hate yourself for it. But what you won’t realize at that moment is how this one meeting was probably a good thing, of how this ugly reminder of the past was essential for you to move on and know for sure that you had made the right decision by breaking up.

The bad parts don’t just cancel out the good ones
When you break up with someone, you tend to remember only the horrible fights that had been going on since a year, you recall all the things your partner was never able to give you and the times they made you wonder why you ever started going out with them in the first place. But think about it with an open mind! Recall all the good times you had, the times they bended over backwards just to bring a smile to your face and the times your love was the only thing either of you needed.

When you’re truly able to remember the good times and the bad and when you truly let go of all your negative feelings, then that is the point when you’ve truly moved on.

Forgiveness isn’t something you owe to them but something that you owe to yourself

Your partner kept on hiding things and lying to you or they ended up cheating on you once or maybe they just never gave you enough importance and priority in all the years that you were together. All these things can leave you feeling immense hatred for that person once things finally end and it’s not easy to forget a time that may have made you feel like the most worthless person in the world.

But you can’t change what happened, you can’t bring back your tears, and you can’t punish them the way you would want to so just stop feeling the hate, stop thinking about the best revenge you can plot, and stop torturing yourself by remembering all of it over and over again. Forgive them not because they deserve it but because you deserve some inner peace.

You need to acknowledge what happened in order to truly move on
The best advice that people can give to someone who’s going through a break up is to just keep yourself busy and divert your mind from it. So we dig into our work, we keep going to the most random parties and we keep taking on new activities just to fill the gap that one person has left behind. But the truth is, we need to cry, we need to cope, and we need to take the time to let our hearts heal before we can start functioning normally again.

Don’t stop doing the things you love but don’t go overboard by pretending that you don’t feel anything at all. Acknowledge and accept what has happened until you finally stop feeling the pain and actually move on.

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