6 truths about long-distance relationships that no one ever told you
In your mind, a long-distance relationship probably sounds like the most predictable story in the world. It sounds like an exciting fantasy that is bound to eventually end, no matter how hard two people try to make it work. I had the same opinion. I was never even the kind of girl who could commit fully to a normal relationship, let alone a long distance one.
I felt like relationships required too much time, too much effort and too much drama – the kind of drama that I definitely didn’t need in my life. And I was absolutely sure that the best thing for me is to live my life alone and peacefully.
So you can imagine my initial shock when out of all the relationships I could have had and all the people I encountered in my life, the only guy who was able to change my entire belief system about relationships was the one who lived hundreds of miles away from me. I met him at a 4-day conference in his hometown and we clicked, instantly. We had similar views, interests and expectations from life. There was never a minute of silence when we were together and it seemed like we couldn’t stay away from each other. However, I knew this was temporary. I knew it would just end once the conference was over and once we return back home to our separate lives. I turned out to be very wrong. Even after the conference was over and we were miles away, we never stopped talking. Two years have gone by now and we’re still together, more in love than I ever expected.
Now let me tell you one bitter truth: Long distance relationships really suck! Sure, you can read up articles on how absence makes the heart grow fonder and try to act all positive by looking at the exciting sides to it but on most days, when you’re sitting at home alone, desperately wanting to have that one person by your side, you’ll end up cursing each and every mile that separates you two.
But if you’d ask me the question: ”If you had the chance, would you do it all over again?”
I’d say, ‘ABSOLUTELY!’ I would never have it any other way.
But at the same time, I realize that everyone isn’t cut out for it. So if you’re at the point where you can’t decide whether to get yourself tied in a long distance relationship, here are some important truths about LDR’s that I got to learn the hard way:
Your life is going to be a non-stop emotional rollercoaster
I always thought I was invincible in terms of relationships. I felt like no matter how tough things would get, I would always stay strong and nothing in the world would be able to make me cry. This delusion was broken in the very first month of my LDR. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t because the relationship was going bad, it was only because of how new and unsure everything felt to me.
You feel such a range of emotions when you’re in an LDR that it’s hard to understand what’s happening. You go from feeling deep depression on some days to casual contentment on others and then an uncontrollable happiness and excitement the first time you see them after ages. And these emotions don’t just get tamed with time and things don’t get easier, you just learn how to accept them as a constant part of your life.
You will come up with really creative ways to distract your mind
In order to avoid feeling sad about the distance that separates us, I wanted to keep myself busy all the time. You’ve probably guessed that this article is also a consequence of the quest to distract myself. And you’ll be amazed at how much the world has to offer. I’m doing two jobs at the moment and handling my academics at the same time.
While this was initially just a way to distract my mind, all the work I do has actually given a new meaning and purpose to my life. So maybe the waiting period isn’t that bad. Maybe all the creative things you’ll do in this time will help you grow and evolve as a person too.
You will be forced to make a lot of tough choices
So you already know the obvious questions that you’ll have to answer at one point or the other. “Where exactly is this relationship heading?” “Where do you see each other in the future?” “How will you work together towards ending this distance eventually?”.
And on top of these, the ones you probably don’t think much about in the start are how you’re going to handle the expenses of travelling so often and how will you fit meeting each other into your work schedules, followed by questions from people all around you asking you whether you’ll finally move to his hometown or just dump him.
The people around you won’t be as supportive as you expect
The people around you won’t ever take your long-distance relationship seriously. Most of them will just perceive it as a temporary childish obsession that is bound to end. So when you’re feeling down or facing any relationship problems, don’t expect your friends to understand.
They’ll probably just shrug off every problem you face by saying it was expected and telling you that it’s probably a sign that you should end things. Don’t listen to them. Don’t give in to their negativity. The only person who can judge the value and significance of your relationship is you so stop looking for validation from the people that don’t even understand.
With time, you’ll come to develop an unusual feeling of certainty
Your relationship is definitely not based on just sexual intimacy. The larger part of your time together has been spent talking, getting to know each other, discovering the deepest corners of each other’s mind and not just your bodies. If that doesn’t scream out true love, then what does?
You’ve gone through so much together, faced the toughest of times, you have no insecurities and jealousies in between you and with every single day that you manage to survive apart, you become surer that this person really is the one for you.
You can make it till the end
When I started my long-distance relationship, I never actually believed that we would come this far. There were times when the negativity and the bad times would get to us but there never once was a time when we ever thought of ending it.
So I speak from experience when I say that you can make it. You can be happy together even if you can’t see each other every day. And if you really love this person, then no amount of distance or difficulties will ever be able to break you apart.
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