9 excuses we come up with to justify staying in unhappy relationships

It’s not always easy to recognize all the things that are so obviously wrong with our relationship. This happens due to a number of reasons- maybe we’re just too scared of being alone to actually consider the idea of breaking up or maybe we’re just too deeply in love to understand all the wrong that’s being done to us or maybe we never really knew what true love or happiness feels like so we take what we can get.

Whatever the reasons might be, one thing we all end up doing as a result is coming up with excuses- excuses on why we should stay, excuses to justify all of our partner’s actions and excuses to simply delay making a difficult life decision!

Here are 9 of the most common excuses all of us give for sticking to bad and unhappy relationships:

“If I just put in some more effort , the relationship will get better”
It’s not easy to take the decision of leaving a person who was once the source of all your happiness. You keep telling yourself over and over again to try a little harder, to put in more effort, to just do something extra that’ll take you both back to the honeymoon period. But just tell me this- If the real you isn’t enough to make this work anymore, do you actually want to pretend and be someone you’re not?

Give yourself some respect. Don’t allow your partner to start taking you for granted and to start expecting you to put in all of the efforts. Choosing to do what’s best for you, choosing to be happy, and choosing to finally let go, are things that you owe to yourself.

“But my partner really needs me”
This is probably the worst reason to stay with someone. Because if your reason for being with someone is anything other than the fact that you truly love them, then you’ll never be able to give them the kind of happiness that they want from you.

If you feel like your relationship has been strained and unhappy for a long time but your partner keeps telling you how much they ‘need’ you, they’re probably going through some unhealthy dependency issues. In relationships like these, you tend to prioritize your partner’s feelings above your own which can leave you inevitably sad and dissatisfied.

“Too much of my time has been invested into this relationship. I can’t leave now”
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for a month, a year, two years or even fifteen. The fact of the matter is that people, situations, and feelings keep changing, regardless of the amount of time you’ve spent with someone. And if you’ve been with someone for an extremely long time, you both have learned a lot about each other which doesn’t just include the ways to make each other happy, but also the ways to hurt and upset one another.

If you feel like your fights are more frequent than the times you spend laughing, if your partner seems to find a way to upset you every day of the week, and if you just can’t remember the last time you felt happy with them, then stop obsessing about the long time you’ve been with each other. It’s time to let them go!

“It’s better to be with them than be single”

Some people are so afraid of being alone, of not having someone they can call their own, and of being questioned on how or why they’re still single, that they agree to put up with the worst of behaviors. These people associate being single as being a lonely and unhappy human being, without realizing the fact that this is exactly how they themselves feel in this bad relationship. Being single can sound scary to anyone but once you decide to leave, you actually put yourself out again and you open your life up to the possibility of meeting someone who actually deserves you. 

“In spite of everything, I still really love them”
It’s true. You can’t really choose who you fall in love with but you CAN choose to be realistic about what your relationship is doing to you and whether this ‘love’ is actually worth it- Is it worth all the horrible things they say to you? Is it worth all the mental and emotional torture that your life has become? Is it worth the nights you spend crying?

It’s possible that they weren’t like this since the start. It’s possible that there was a time when they really did keep you happy but answer this one question- If you met them today for the first time ever, would you still fall in love with them?

“It’s normal to disagree in relationships”

I completely agree with the above statement. Conflicts and disagreements are a normal and healthy part of all relationships, but ONLY when they are handled appropriately and resolved like mature adults. If the conflicts in your relationship always lead to despicable fights, name-calling and blame games, this situation isn’t healthy and it definitely isn’t normal. It’s mean, it’s intentionally hurtful, and it indicates feelings of resentment between you two.

“I can’t think of hurting them”
I know you don’t want to hurt their feelings. I know you don’t want to be the reason for their pain. I know you still care about them. But staying in this relationship just for this one reason will prove to be more hurtful to them in the long run than leaving right now. Your relationship has been unhappy for a long time now and you both know it.

If you are brave enough to finally end it, you’ll be doing yourself as well as your partner a huge favor. They might be shocked and even a little hurt initially but those feelings will fade away with time. And you both will finally get the chance to find the happiness you truly deserve. 

“Some big event is coming up- I can’t just break up with them right before it”

There will always be something- a birthday, a graduation, Christmas, a party! There won’t ever be a time when there’s absolutely nothing important or even slightly significant going on in either of your lives. So if you’ve taken the decision to leave, respect your partner enough to tell them your actual feelings without dragging them along in a relationship that’s already dead.

“What if the next relationship turns out to be just as bad?”
I’m not going to lie to you. Your next relationship can very likely be even worse than the one you left behind. BUT it can also turn out to be the one where you finally meet your true soul mate. How will you ever know if you stick to this one relationship that’s giving you nothing but pain? Don’t hold yourself back thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Take chances and give yourself the opportunity to discover all the things that could go right.

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