Love is a rampage of insecurities and an intense workout of emotions. Though the reward is very sweet, it’s a constant struggle during which a person has to go against their nature, while harboring the fruit of warmth, affection and trust.
Love is war
When you marry a person, you have to own everything and everybody in that relation. You are out with friends and over a couple of drinks, you start cracking jokes. It all starts with small puns, about your partner and your relationship, everyone shares a good laugh but soon these jokes start to get personal.
That is the time when you step in and try to take hold of the situation and defend your partner. I have seen people who completely ignore their partners’ insecurity and let out a huge cackle of joy.
A situation where your partner feels ridiculed by you in public is the breaking point. You maybe siding with someone out of respect, or having a good laugh to lighten up your mood, but the emotional turmoil inside your partners’ heart maybe disastrous for your relationship.
The joy of marriage is such, that you might be at a war in the premises of your bedroom but to the world you should be at war with whoever tries to belittle your partner.
Short term goals
When life with your partner gets way too materialistic (love is more than the fulfilment of your, basic/extravagant needs). When life is all about the latest designer dress collection and about partying on the yacht or at the penthouse all night long, something is seriously wrong.
When life stops being about snuggling on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, when it doesn’t involve talking about future goals, (Goals that have meaning and purpose) when working in your backyard together is not counted as family fun you need to take a break and think.
To build a relationship is to build a future together. When partners share a vision, they strive together to achieve it. They overcome all the little obstacles and arguments because they are both working towards a common goal.
Squabbles and bickering begin when couples don’t have a purpose in life, when they have no reason to be a part of each others life.
Thus, it’s important to feed the emotional giant inside of your hearts, for the love to grow and prosper.
‘My sister thinks that you should treat the baby…’
‘My father doesn’t approve of this.’
The moment you start implying someone else’s perspective, (of how things should be done) in your conversation with your partner, things start to get out of hand.
Imposing the opinions of your family members on your partner or taking instigation from them about anything is what makes arguments fall over the cliff. As long as you both are having a healthy debate, the matter generally stays under control.
The moment you start comparing your family members with your partner is the moment when it all becomes a blame game. It’s always best to keep your relationship and its arguments limited to your partner. Try to come to resolutions yourselves.
A valid point suggested by a family member should be introduced in a conversation, it such a subtle way, that it should feel like a suggestion rather than an imposition.
Sneaky, suspicious and secretive attitude raises alarm bells. You both are a part of the same team, and keeping a secret from each other is like plotting for a battle. You don’t realize it but you entire body language and attitude towards your partner changes, if you are keeping a secret from your loved one.
To have an honest and working relationship, it’s important to be able to look into each other’s eyes without any guilt or fear. Do not create circumstances where you have to lie and create a hostile environment; because no matter how good you are at hiding facts, they will soon surface in the most horrible. Beware.
It’s rightly said; do not wash your dirty laundry in public. Not only do you lose the regards of your spectators; you lose your credibility too.
Your partner is the one who you should admire in company, for all the right things they do for you. The slightest humiliation by the hands of your partner, in a public gathering, will leave a very sour taste, for a very long time.
The other person is left with a feeling of distrust and bitterness, if this practice is often repeated; these feelings grow which build distance and break relationships.
It’s imperative to avoid such conflicting situations; leave them for when you are both alone. The world you should see you as a fierce, flawless and mature couple.
The feelings of being wanted and desired plays a central role in keeping the relationship going. When a couple starts to drawback or shy away from intimate holds, they are surely putting their bond under the radar.
You need to be hungry for your partners love. Intimacy feeds the soul and satisfies the pangs of attraction, so that the need to look for love, outside the relationship diminishes.
Trust is the most important factor of a relationship. If you let little things like a text message from an old friend or a late evening at work, bother you, you are not going to get anywhere.
Feeding your insecurities will build distances, not bridges. Therefore, trust your partner and trust your gut instinct. Seeing him have a cup of coffee with an old friend or sharing a moment of laughter with an attractive stranger, does not mean that your partner loves you any less.
Avoid all of these mistakes and you are bound to have a beautiful future ahead of you.
“In any serious relationship, if you don’t gather your partner’s opinion before making a decision that impacts you both, you’re just storing up trouble for the future.”
― Cindy Woodsmall
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