Sex should NEVER be the highlight of your relationship.
The common misconception that intimacy is directly related to sex has gone on for far too long. While the two are surely related to one another, they do not define each other. An intimate relationship doesn’t necessarily qualify as one where the couple has sex often. Intimacy refers to maintaining a close personal bond with someone. In order to achieve this bond i.e. have an intimate relationship, a couple has to go through a whole process. This process is governed by several steps, not just one.
1- They talk A LOT:
When two people develop strong feelings for one another and reach a point where they’re ready to let them into each other’s lives, they form a relationship. The very foundation of any genuine relationship is love, which is as intimate as it gets.
The love at the start of the relationship is usually way more than at the end. So, a newly formed relationship might seem more intimate. The reason is that in the start people talk to one another. They like knowing about all the details of each other’s lives. They communicate about feelings and issues. They keep their bond strong by developing more and more love for their partner. Later on, people tend to get bored and the relationship eventually diminishes.
There are, fortunately, a few examples of couples who made it. If you ask any of them, they’ll tell you that in order to keep their love strong and everlasting, they talked. They didn’t stop communicating like other couples because they got bored. Instead, they overcame any sense of awkwardness by talking more.
People in relationships often overlook little things. For example, they might think that said detail isn’t worth mentioning or that a little lie won’t hurt anyone. They slowly begin to disregard their relationship and before long, it ends. It’s such a gradual process that couples are often left wondering, “What went wrong?” They got so accustomed to it all that it became the norm.
2- Agree to disagree:
You might be in a relationship with them and you might be sharing almost everything, but you don’t control them. With time, couples get unbalanced. One partner begins to call all the shots while the other is expected to sit still and nod their heads. Such a relationship can only be expected to last so long. It’s destined to end from the very first time someone decided that they were the boss.
Is it possible that one person can make potentially better decisions? Yes, however, that person doesn’t have the right to consider themselves as the official decision maker of the relationship. They can advise and help, but not decide. A relationship needs mutual efforts in order to strive.
No two people in the world are exactly alike in all respects. Even if you’re in a relationship with them, they aren’t compelled to become your mirror image. They can have a difference of opinion and it’s completely natural. You need to learn to agree to disagree. If anything harms them, then by all means go ahead. However, do not decide that you’re right and they’re wrong.
3- Never overlook the little things:
One crucial mistake that almost every couple makes is that they start to disregard little things in their relationship. They see some things that they used to do as meaningless after some time. They stop making an effort and think that it’ll all fall into place, without ACTUALLY doing anything.
If you observe any happy couple, you’ll realise that the two people do not stop ever. They don’t stop caring for one another or acknowledging one another. They maintain a happy and platonic relationship by doing all the things today that they would’ve done on the very first day.
They have these little things going around in their relationship which are signs that they love each other. For example; something as little as a kiss goodbye or a kiss hello can mean so much. If a couple gradually stops taking a second out of their day to show their love, what does that say about the level of intimacy that they share? It does, however, show that they’re at the stage where they think it doesn’t mean anything.
People need to realise that a relationship is so much more than sex. It’s a joint life and thus two people need to do everything possible to help their partner out. Whether it’s something that bothers them or something that they can achieve but aren’t confident about, you should help them reach their complete potential. You agreed to be there for better or worse.
Life isn’t going to be all happy-go-lucky all the time over even some of the time. Life is as realistic as it gets, it’s literally the meaning of reality. There will be good times and there will be bad. What matters is how you two overcome the situation.
Intimacy refers to a strong bond; an intimate relationship is thus a relationship where such a bond is maintained. In order to do so, you need to let your partner know that you are and always will be there for them.
You’ll help them out whenever they need your help and they can come to you with anything. They can confide in you and you can confide in them. It cannot progress if the support is one-sided.
5- Walking the extra mile for each other:
I’ve mentioned this before too, you cannot expect another person to become a mirror image of yourself and I stand by that statement. However, when I say, ‘walk the extra mile’, I mean that if there’s something that they like or want to do and it doesn’t harm you, then why not do it? Here’s another fact about intimacy: an intimate relationship cannot be achieved overnight. In fact, it isn’t ever achieved it’s just a gradual phase that keeps going on and on increasing over the years. There is no end point.
Couples need to put in a little extra effort every now and then so that they’re partner can be reassured of their love. I agree that love is something that people should have full confidence in, but people do go through dark phases and in those times they need reassurance. It shouldn’t annoy you that they need constant reassurance because it’s their way of knowing.
Be good to their family if they’re family oriented even though you aren’t. Take an interest in their job even though you find it completely boring. Go to some places with them even though you don’t like going places.
These are but a few things you can do for your partner. You aren’t obligated to put on a face just to keep them happy, but you are obligated to keep them happy. This is something that keeps them happy and yes, you aren’t thrilled to be doing it but it isn’t harming you. It’ll literally take only take a few seconds of your day.
In doing so, you’re showing them that you’re with them every step of the way. You’re maintaining the foundation of the relationship and letting them know how anything they do is perfectly fine with them. In fact, they want to do it with you!
6- Date night:
I cannot stress enough on this point. The start of any relationship is about as exciting as it gets. Gradually, the excitement is brought to a limited amount and things continue to go as normal. They keep things as they would on a normal Tuesday night and that’s okay. You can’t do something wild every night. However, couples often take it a bit too far.
They stop having intimate moments where it’s just the two of them. They’re so engrossed in their own lives that they forget that there’s another person whom they’re sharing a life with. They begin to consider themselves as leading in separate directions.
Date night can be thought of as a collective term for any private intimate moments. Taking a day off of work and taking your partner out on a date is enough to keep them happy for a very long time. You can never be too old for date night. Don’t think of it as date night if that’s what you want, think of it as a night for just the two of you. Where you guys can talk.
This is different from how you two would’ve done on an average night. This is special in the sense that you two put in more effort to make the day special for each other. You can even try it as a day at home with no one else but each other.
7- Giving each other compliments:
A simple, ‘You’re perfect’, can go a very long way regarding intimacy in a relationship. No compliment is left unappreciated because, it’s genuine, and then it goes straight to the heart. The self-esteem increase which is a result of such words is commendable. It can turn your partner’s day from a bad one to an amazing one. They realise that at least, when everything else isn’t going well, there’s someone who’ll care about them. This keeps them happy and grateful. They actually feel perfect.
They keep thinking of how amazing and appreciative you are. It’s basically like they’re viewing you as the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re the reason they keep smiling unknowingly at work. People might look at them and wonder what’s on their mind and it’ll just be them remembering that sweet thing you said.
See, nothing on this list is going to cost you much. You’ll mostly be taking a few seconds out of each day to develop a more intimate relationship. Any relationship requires people to develop and grow. They take a vow to be there in better or in worse. Sadly, most people leave the very second it gets worse. Don’t be that person.
8- Focusing on everything else:
I began this article by telling you how intimacy is so much more than sex. Intimacy is forming a bond and allowing that bond to develop over time. People associate sex with intimacy and although that is true to a certain extent, it isn’t all that there is. On this list you’ve been told several ways to develop an intimate relationship, these aren’t merely things off the top of my head. These are actual reasons intimate, happy and lasting couples give. No one can tell you anything better about intimacy then them. Sex is just one of the many forms of intimacy. It isn’t intimacy entirely.
You don’t have to do much, you don’t have to travel halfway across the world and you don’t have to spend every penny that you have. Intimacy is about developing a better relationship. Focus on all of the things given here on this list. Think of them as guiding stones which will lead you towards a better relationship. You clicked on this article because you wanted to know of ways to better your relationship. Frankly, that’s one less stone you have to cross. You started to put in the effort. What did it take? 10 minutes at best? It genuinely takes even less than that to actually pull through on these tips.
Intimacy can be achieved only by allowing a relationship to grow and what better way than to talk about everything. While I would recommend that you talk instead of nag, if there’s an issue where they don’t want to talk yet it reflects on the relationship then you can talk about it to an extent of nagging. However, try to solve anything by talking about it in a calm and collected manner. In this way, not only will your point be put across, but your partner might actually agree with it.
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