A poor sense of self-worth is what ends up trapping us in bad relationships. It also sabotages new ones and it leaves you feeling completely broken and devastated every time a relationship ends.
Having a high self-esteem won’t always guarantee a happy relationship, but it will equip you with the necessary skills to identify the things you truly want, the things you deserve to have, and the courage to just walk away when something falls short. Here’s a list of 10 things women with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships:
1. A confident girl doesn’t analyze if he likes her- she assumes he does.
A person with high self-esteem believes that they’re worthy of love. And they won’t ever question how someone else feels about them. They know how competent, good, and lovable they are, and they trust that the right person for them will be able to see this on their own. They never attach their own worth to what a man might think of them.
And as a result of this, they don’t end up feeling anxious or stressed when a man’s feelings seem unclear. Instead, they just end up assuming he likes them or make themselves capable of being present in the relationship and enjoying it without getting weighed down by doubts and fears.
2. Confident girls realize that when a relationship falls apart, it’s because it wasn’t right
And not because they were doing something wrong. Not every couple is a perfect match and sometimes, the only reason behind a breakup might be your incompatibility. This doesn’t make any of you bad or flawed in any way.
A confident girl won’t take it personally if a guy doesn’t to have a romantic relationship with her. She will realize that it just might not be the right match. And then move on, with her sense of self firmly intact.
However, if a girl is very insecure, and a guy leaves her, she will spiral. She might start obsessing, analyzing, and replaying every interaction they’ve ever had in an attempt to discover the things she did wrong.
On a conscious level, she still might know that it just wasn’t a good match. But deep down inside, she will hold on the destructive belief that she was the problem here… that she is probably unlovable and that no guy will ever want her.
3. Confident girls know how to set healthy boundaries.
A high self-esteem and healthy personal boundaries go side by side. Having strong boundaries shows that you can prioritize your own emotions and needs, and that you’re not here to stand responsible for another person’s emotions and needs.
A confident girl knows the things she will and will not accept, and she will never allow herself to get pressured into doing something she doesn’t want to do. She will act in complete accordance with who she is and what she believes in.
And she won’t change her behavior for a guy, or do things only to keep him happy and interested. When a person has weak boundaries, they might start selling themselves out in relationships and putting up with treatment that they know is objectively unacceptable. Confident girls never abandon parts of themselves just to be in a relationship. They bring their complete self into the relationship and if they guy wishes for something else, or something more, they just leave.
A girl with healthy boundaries will never lose herself in a relationship. She will never allow her identity to be completely contingent upon how the guy sees her. She will continue maintaining her own life outside of her relationship, without ever giving up on her hobbies, friends, or alone time.
4. Confident girls can trust themselves and the decisions they make.
A vital component of maintaining a high self-esteem is trusting yourself to make the right choices in life while also realizing that you’re well equipped to cope with things if they go off track. A girl with high self-esteem doesn’t question her own actions. She doesn’t continue feeling conflicted about what the right thing to say or do is. She acts on how she’s feeling and remains comfortable in being her authentic, real self.
A girl with low self-esteem never trusts her own judgement, or her own gut instincts. And she is constantly scared of being wrong. As a result, she either lives her life in a never-ending state of anxiety, or she looks to others for some guidance along the right path. This will obviously never do much to help with her sense of autonomy, which is also a vital element of healthy self-esteem.
5. Confident girls never show off or talk themselves up.
Confident girls don’t need to keep telling the world about how amazing they are. Only insecure people secretly feel like they’re unworthy and then feel the need to hide this constantly bragging about their accomplishments or by talking themselves up.
A girl who gradually reveals herself, peeling back the layers carefully over time, will always be significantly more attractive than a girl who just lays it all out there.
When a person feels that they’re worthy, they don’t need to tell people about it… they just know.
A huge mistake insecure women end up making in the beginning of a relationship is selling themselves to a guy. This might be completely innocent, but it stems from a deeper sense of inadequacy and insecurity. A confident girl doesn’t need to sell herself. Instead, she uses dating as a means of determining which guys are actually worthy of her time and affection.
6. Confident girls accept responsibility.
Confident girls know when to take responsibility of their own emotions and actions. They won’t shame or blame their partners if they ever feel unhappy. They won’t accuse him of ‘making’ them feel a specific way. They won’t start blaming all men for being jerks. And they won’t view themselves as the victims of circumstances and other people.
A confident girl will realize that her time is her responsibility. As a result, she won’t wait around in dead-end relationships, hoping for things to magically change. She won’t blame her ex for wasting her time. She will take responsibility for her choices, whether good or bad, and will use her mistakes as an opportunity to grow and become even better.
7. Confident girls always take a relationship for what it is and don’t need it to be a certain way.
Confident girls always feel secure in their relationships. They won’t require a ring or a title as a confirmation of the guy actually caring for them. They are capable of just being present and in the relationship. And they allow it to unfold naturally, without any pressure or force.
This doesn’t mean that they’ll stick with guys who can’t commit, guys who act all cool, or guys who just ‘go with the flow’. If a guy isn’t able to commit in the way they want, they’ll just move on. A confident girl is capable of giving and receiving freely in her relationship which is why she doesn’t stress out about labels. She just knows that if it’s right, it will work out. And if it isn’t, she’ll just move on.
8. Confident girls never stay in bad relationships.
A confident girl won’t stay in relationships where she doesn’t feel appreciated, respected, and valued. And she won’t take full responsibility if a relationship isn’t working out, and then take it upon herself to try to solve the problem by always doing and giving more.
She won’t be scared of walking away when something isn’t working. And the thought that she won’t be able to find someone better, and that she will end up alone, is never even going to cross her mind. She can see when a situation is damaging and she will remove herself immediately from there.
Only insecure people can put up with unacceptable treatment, mainly because they feel like they deserve it on some level. When a person learns to value themselves, they will weed out anyone who doesn’t truly deserve them.
9. Confident girls won’t desperately seek reassurance.
A girl with high self-esteem will know that she’s loved and lovable. She doesn’t need a guy to remind her everyday- it’s just something she feels and knows. When a person is insecure, they need constant validation. And they become resentful if their partner doesn’t give it to them. They blame their partner for ‘making’ them feel insecure or unloved.
They might work harder to try to please him or earn his love, or they might withhold their affection and love in order to even the score. This behavior manifests as neediness (the top relationship killer)- you need to get constant reassurance and when you don’t get it, you lash out and start blaming your partner for not being able to provide it.
The truth is, if a girl doesn’t feel good about herself, nothing her guy says will ever be enough. If she doesn’t truly believe that she’s worthy of love, she will never believe that someone else can love her. This is why the relationship turns into a battle of wills: The girl fights for validation. He retreats because he feels suffocated and pressured.
She views his retreat as a sign that he doesn’t love her and she falls into despair. He starts resenting the fact that nothing he does is ever good enough so he just stops trying. She views this as a further proof that he doesn’t care… and then either the relationship just ends or you both continue to make each other miserable till the end of time.
10. Confident girls choose wisely.
A confident girl uses her heart AND mind when she chooses a romantic partner. She is capable of assessing quickly if someone is emotionally healthy, and will be able to give her the things she needs in a relationship. She doesn’t let her ego get too intertwined with her emotions. And she makes sure that she is fundamentally compatible with a guy before getting too involved with him.
An essential concept to understand in terms of relationships is that like attracts like. This means that a confident person will attract another confident person. And an insecure girl might unconsciously seek out relationships with guys who can make them feel more secure. She will want the unavailable guys, the guys who have walls up, and the guys who just can’t commit.
These are the guys she will get attracted to, and not the guys who show genuine and real interest. This usually happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl might feel that if she can break through his walls, or make him change his ways, then she’ll truly be valuable and worthy. But this idea never works. Instead, the insecure girl just ends up compromising her integrity even more by continuing to chase the relationship.
If a girl doesn’t value herself, she will always be attracted to guys who don’t value her either. Confident girls value and accept themselves for who they are. These girls embrace the good, and also remain accepting of the not-so-good parts. As a result, a confident girl attracts quality partners, and is able to connect with him on a genuine and real level, a level that leads to true intimacy and a healthy relationship.
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