What do you look for most in a man? Good looks? A sense of humor? Money and expensive gifts? While it’s hard for many of us to admit because of how shallow it may sound to the outside world, the fact of the matter is that these three traits are indeed the most sought after traits when you’re looking for a guy, when you want to have someone to call your own, and when you’re waiting to enter a relationship.
And I’m not implying here that these are the ONLY things you truly want from a man. You might also desire to have a guy who remains sensitive to your feelings, a guy who can actually understand you, and a guy who can be called a real gentleman. But these kinds of traits aren’t exactly easy to judge in the first few dates or even in the first few months in some cases.
You can’t really tell if a guy is indeed a gentleman if he opens the door for you on the first date because maybe that was just a way of impressing you, and maybe he won’t ever repeat that gesture again once he knows you’ve fallen for him. So we stop looking for these traits that actually go beyond the surface, and that actually take some time and effort to confirm.
And we settle to look for traits that are easy to observe, and that seem good enough to the outside world. If you want to understand why you haven’t found the right guy yet, and then actually do something to change this, read on to know the top 7 reasons why most women don’t end up with a real gentleman.
Placing financial security above love
The materialistic society of today places one thing above all others- the importance of money. So it’s not surprising when a woman gets more attracted towards the successful doctor, lawyer or any guy who has his life set with a high-paying job than the sweet college professor or the guy who is just trying to study and work harder towards a better life.
While the presence of money will definitely avoid a lot of unnecessary fights, arguments, and discomforts, but the quest to keep earning it might end up keeping your partner really busy. So don’t be surprised one day when he doesn’t even have time to eat dinner with you, or when he forgets to show up at your anniversary because of an important meeting that came up or when you realize that you don’t really have anyone to talk to all the time.
Unrealistic Expectations
Every girl is raised to believe that the purpose of her life is to find the perfect guy, her real-life soul mate, ‘the one’ who she has always been destined to meet. While most of them avoid making this the sole purpose of their life, they still hold on to the idea of this perfect guy.
And they set out to discover their prince charming in every guy they meet. They look for signs to know beyond doubt that this guy was exactly the one they were looking for- the guy of their dreams! And when you set up so many unrealistic expectations from another human being, very few guys in the world can actually pass your test, which is why your quest continues on and on.
The belief that women need to be rescued
This belief is what drives a lot of men to go completely out of their way in order to help the opposite gender in doing something they perceive is difficult. While this is completely okay and actually a good quality, they might still end up hearing something like,
“I never asked for help. I can do things myself.”
A reply like this one can demotivate guys to the extent that they never even offer help in the times that are needed or in the times when some girl is actually asking for their help. It somewhat turns a guy into less of a gentleman. The key here is to make guys understand the difference between the time when a girl is sharing a problem just to relieve some stress and actually asking for some real help from you.
The fascination with ‘changing’ a guy
We’ve all seen countless movies, read a million books, and heard a ton of tales about how love can conquer all in the end. It starts off the same way every time- You meet a cold-hearted, ruthless and mysterious guy. You start to become curious of his ways while he only becomes more indifferent with time.
But no matter how badly he treats you, no matter how much he ignores you, and no matter how little importance he places on your existence in his life, you continue to place complete belief in the fairytales you’ve read where the guy finally starts appreciating the love he’s given, ending up in the perfect love story. But the thing with fairy tales is that they can never work out in real life.
People don’t really change. Love doesn’t always conquer all. If he treats you badly, there’s a high possibility that he will continue doing so for as long as you allow. Know your worth and move on to people who can actually love you the way you deserve.
And if you enter a relationship with the thought of getting to eventually changing the other person, then what’s the point of this relationship in the first place? How much do you really care for this guy if the only thing you like about him is the possibility that he will change one day into someone he’s not? This kind of attitude is unfair to not only you, but your partner as well.
Judging a book by its cover
You want to be in a relationship with a real gentleman, right? But what if I told you that the nicest, most caring guy in the world actually looks very big, grumpy, intimidating and nothing like the way you imagined him to be? Would your answer still be a yes?
A lot of us place so much importance on the way a guy looks that we end up equating good looks with a good personality. Stop judging people from their appearance, and try exploring the deepest corners of their mind and heart. Only then will you be able to tell a real gentleman apart from a playboy.
The payment assumption
While many people like to discuss and promote the growing equality between men and women, a lot of those same people will also be the ones who assume that a ‘gentleman’ is always supposed to pay the bill on a date, unless and until it is specifically stated beforehand that it’s the woman’s treat for a special occasion or something. And there aren’t any questions attached to this assumption.
Going out for dinner? The man pays. Decided to watch a movie? The man buys the tickets. He’ll even be expected to bring the car with the tank full every time. While many of the women who enjoy the benefits of this arrangement might be doing it unconsciously, a lot of them knowingly take advantage of this as well by going out with guys they’re not interested in just to enjoy these benefits and have a good time.
And after years of working the dating circles, a real gentleman is instantly able to tell the difference between a woman who is with him out of love and sincerity and a woman who is just here for the fun, which is why they will know how to filter out their options. So if you’re wondering why you never end up with a good guy, and a guy who knows how to treat you right, then maybe you should start considering the kind of partner you’ve been. If you truly want a real gentleman in your life, you need to learn how to act like a lady as well.
The rich and immature guys
Which girl wouldn’t want to end up with a guy whose family has always been loaded? You want a stable financial system in your life. And you need to be with a guy who can provide you all the things you ever wished for, or at least be capable of providing for himself instead of you having to take care of his needs.
So you feel excited at the sight of his huge house, at the way he spends his money so freely, and the way his future shines so bright and free of stress. But you don’t exactly realize the problem with this kind of thinking until you’re too deep into the mess- these guys never really had to work to achieve anything in life.
They never had to face the pain of placing immense efforts and time toward reaching a certain goal, which is why they never really had to think about the value of all the things and people that surround them. Everything in life came easy to them, and they don’t expect you to be any different. They will never be committed towards actually working to make your relationship a success, or making sure that you’re happy at all times.
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