Which one are you currently in?
Just like we are unable to tell if we or someone we see every day has put on weight, it is difficult to assess a situation that we are in. Being too indulged in a matter often makes us oblivious to the truth about it which only people who are far can see. It is true that too much light can blind you. When you are in a relationship, you are too busy just being in it to clearly see how it actually is. Relationships can be both healthy and toxic.
A person outside of the relationship can tell you what they see from afar but people are not too honest when they see something bad happening in fear of being the one to blame for the upcoming destruction. So you have to be your own judge and try to decide if your relationship is a healthy one or the opposite. Good for you if it is healthy and time to shut some doors if it is the opposite.
Here are some major differences between a healthy relationship and a toxic one.
What You Choose To Emphasize About Each Other:
In a healthy relationship: No one is absolutely good or absolutely bad; there is a balance of both. Relationships work the same way. If you are in a healthy relationship, you will notice that the things you emphasize about each other are a mix of both good and bad things. You appreciate the good things your partner does for you and for the relationship while mildly pointing out the things they do not do and should do. If it works that way, you are in a healthy relationship.
In a toxic relationship: Your partner always seems to have a problem with everything. The frustration about correcting the way things are never ends and not for once do they genuinely appreciate the good things you do. In a toxic relationship, there is no balance. The only things your partner ever emphasizes about you are the bad habits that you have, never letting you feel good about yourself. That kind of negativity in a relationship is what makes it toxic and differentiates it from a healthy relationship.
Acceptance And Apologies:
In a healthy relationship: The fact that everyone makes mistakes is commonly known to both partners in a healthy relationship. There are screw-ups, there is acceptance and then there are apologies. Whether they could not make it to the dinner date or could not help clean the house on the weekend like they promised due to the newborn heap of work, they will apologize for it. A simple “I am sorry” or something to make it up to you the next time will be expressed to clear up the air; they won’t deny anything.
In a toxic relationship: One on the two people in a toxic relationship chooses to deny their mistakes and runs away from making an apology for the sake of their ego. For such people, there is always a justification for the mistake they made and always an excuse to why they don’t need to make an apology. For such people, their stubbornness matters more than the well-being of the relationship. Such toxicity is outright unbearable and living with such an egoist a shame to one’s self-respect.
Words – Meaningful or Meaningless:
In a healthy relationship: The promises two people make mean something in a healthy relationship. When your partner says that they will get through, they mean it and you know it. Their promises are truthful and you do not have to worry about them breaking the promises. Such blind and unmistakable trust can never be found in a toxic relationship. You know you are in a healthy relationship when you can depend on your partner without having to worry about anything. Dependency exists in a healthy relationship.
In a toxic relationship: When they say they will take care of something, you know they don’t mean it and you will have to keep an eye on them. The promises they make mean almost nothing to them and you constantly have to worry about everything. Toxic relationships contain such doubts and there is a lack of interdependency. Where there is no value of each other’s words, there is no respect and where there is not respect, there is no love. It is all lip service in a toxic relationship; nothing goes like you plan to and you only get to face disappointments from the other side.
How Often The Silent Treatment Is Employed:
In a healthy relationship: After a dispute, when the two of you are upset with each other, you still talk. It might not be very pleasant but you talk. No matter how upset, you do not think it right to hurt them even more by completely shutting them out. The silent treatment can be seriously hurtful and make you feel even worse. In a healthy relationship, the couple makes it work by eventually trying to reach a final decision and overcoming the conflict once and for all. The silent treatment does not prevail in a healthy relationship.
In a toxic relationship: One of the two people in a toxic relationship shuts the other one out after a fight showing even more insensitive attitude. It is fine to have a difference of opinion but punishing someone who loves you is downright unfair. It is the mark of two mature people to keep communication alive even after a major fight. It means that they understand that fights do not affect the love they have for each other. In toxic relationships, it is the opposite.
The Extent Of Codependency Between You Two:
In a healthy relationship: It is good to love having your partner around and feeling their absence when they are not around but, at the same time, it is healthy to spend some time without them. As much as codependency shows love and attachment, it can be toxic too. In a healthy relationship, the amount of codependency is balanced. You have your own social life outside of the relationship and so does your partner. You have your friends, your work and your relationship all separated.
In a toxic relationship: It is not good to be ‘inseparable’. In a toxic relationship, the extent of codependency will be high. One of two of you will be greatly possessive about the other making their life living hell. We all know how things go when a person gets too obsessed with their partner; they stop hanging out with friends, ignore their family and kill their social life completely. If your partner is one of those people who question everything you do and everywhere you go, you are in a toxic relationship.
How Well Fights Are Handled:
In a healthy relationship: Two people agree to disagree in a healthy relationship. There are differences of opinions which are respected and the topic is swiftly changed. Grown-ups are capable of maintaining such a healthy connection where the comments of both parties are heard yet one’s own opinion remains. That is how matters of disagreement should be handled and not by attacking personal motives. If you and your partner are able to handle fights well, you are in a healthy relationship.
In a toxic relationship: When a fight starts in a toxic relationship, it goes a long way and almost never comes to an end. The two people are unable to handle the different opinions and express their resentment in matters small or big. There is emotional bitterness involved which leads to a long, pointless quarrel. Feelings get hurt and things that should never be said are said. Toxic relationships have the capability to be surprisingly insensitive. How would you feel if someone tells you what you believe in is wrong and you are a bad person for believing in it and won’t even apologize for it?
What You Base Your Trust On:
In a healthy relationship: You are able to tell him or her every little thing, be it a family secret or something from your past. You just know that they will not change their opinion about you and lift their trust from you. In a healthy relationship, trust is not based on the secrets later revealed or incidents that could not have been ignored. If you met your ex on the street, you know you can tell your partner without fearing anything. That is the thing about healthy relationships.
In a toxic relationship: You are afraid of telling them about small things in fear of an emotional breakout. You fear that telling them about something unusual will make then paranoid; that is a sign of a very toxic relationship. What is the point of having a lifetime partner when you have to hide the smallest things from them? What you base your trust on says a lot about the kind of relationship you are in.
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