Breakups or separations can be messy ordeals. No one ever likes having to deal with fallouts. There are just too many negative emotions at play there, and a lot of times, it can be draining. However, the truth of the matter is that breakups do happen, and they happen often.
Not every relationship is going to be perfect, and if you don’t know that by now, then do your best to absorb this healthy dose of reality. Breakups can be brought about by a wide array of possibilities. Sometimes couples break up over petty arguments and others break up over heavy lingering issues in the relationship.
The only constant truth about breakups is that at least one person is always going to end up feeling hurt or disappointed. No one ever goes into a relationship with a future breakup in mind… well, no one sane and humane anyway. That’s why when breakups do occur, it can come across as a shocking and traumatizing experience to the people involved especially when they’re inexperienced in the area.
The most important thing that people can do after breakups is to move on. There is life beyond the relationship that you were just in. Live in that life and learn to accept that that relationship is just going to have to be a part of your past. There is an entire future that is waiting for you, and you need to get on it. Yes, moving on will be difficult, but it’s not something that you alone are experiencing. Countless of people have moved on from bad breakups in the past, and you can too.
One thing that you always need to take note of after a bad breakup is to always make an effort to avoid making contact with your ex. You don’t want to be starting something up again when you know you’ve been down that road before. It can be tempting, yes, and a lot of people do give in to that temptation. But you should know upfront that it’s always going to be a bad idea. Here are a few reasons as to why that is:
1. You need the time away from your ex to heal your wounds.
Emotional wounds are difficult to heal. There aren’t any medicines you can take to help speed up the time it takes for a heart to mend itself. Sometimes, all you really need is time. There’s a saying that goes “time heals all wounds” and that’s true in cases of romantic heartbreaks. If you start making contact with your ex, then you are depriving time the opportunity of healing any wounds that you may have gotten throughout the course of your relationship.
These wounds are difficult to heal and it can take some people months, or even years, before they feel like they’ve fully recovered from a relationship. The point is that after a breakup, you will be left feeling particularly broken. That’s why it makes sense for you to only focus on yourself after a breakup, and make sure that all parts of you are whole again before you start opening yourself up to more pain.
2. You are wasting energy on a dead relationship if you keep making contact.
Your relationship is done with. You’ve gone that road before and there’s no point in traversing it again. You have to either move forward, or stay where you are at the moment and lick your wounds. Do not, under any circumstances, choose to go back. You are only choosing to return to a road that’s already been burned to ashes.
If you persist in making contact with your ex after you’ve broken up, that is wasted energy on your part. It takes a great deal of energy for a person to invest in relationships and people. That’s why it doesn’t make sense for you to keep wasting energy on a relationship that is already past its expiry.
3. You will get stuck in a fantasy land and end up forgetting about real life while you keep staying in touch.
You dream up these fantasies in your head of the life that you could have had together. You see it so vividly. You and your ex still laughing it up in your bed as you stare helplessly into each other’s eyes. You and your ex holding hands as you walk along the sidewalks of your town. You and your ex sharing each other’s food as you’re out on a date.
But the problem with these visions is that they’re pure fantasy. They deprive you of the opportunity of actually living in the real life where it really matters. Don’t give in to the fantasies of a successful relationship with your ex. It’s over. Move on.
4. It keeps you from moving on and finding closure when you don’t just block yourself off completely.
Stop being so hung over your breakup. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be sad. But it’s not okay to stagnate. You need to keep moving on in life. You have a future that’s waiting for you, and you can’t afford to let your ex hold you back. You have to understand that love is still a very real possibility for you, but getting back with your ex is downright impossible.
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