Men are simple creatures, or at least in our own minds. We want to Fix, Fight and F— and not necessarily in that order. We have a hard time processing our own emotions, much less the emotions of others. We tend to chug along like a train moving down our selected path, steadily and pulling a lot of weight behind us. Women, on the other hand, are pilots in their acrobatic aircraft.
While they are not the most efficient mode of transportation, the ride is thrilling and exciting, to say the least. They are all over the place and revel in the twists and turns. We revel in our strength and work while they zip around driven by their passions. Our biggest mistakes are in not understanding our partners and what they need from us.
8 MISTAKES MEN MAKE IN RELATIONSHIPS
1. WE ARE THE SEA AND NOT THE MOUNTAIN
Women are drawn to men who are solid, stable and safe, like a mountain. You can shelter under a mountain against a storm. The mountain is seemingly forever. The sea, on the other hand, is unpredictable, dangerous and constantly changing. Women tend to be like the sea in that its depths are unknowable and their emotions are as ever-changing and irresistible as the tides. That is probably the reason women are drawn to them mountains and men are enchanted by the sea. When men act like the sea and not themselves, it throws women off and scares them with our dangerous unpredictability.
2. WE TRY TO CONTROL THE WIND
Sea states are driven by the wind, and women are driven by their emotions. When you are on a ship at sea, you cannot control the wind, and when you are in a relationship with a woman, you cannot control her emotions either. The best thing you can do is ride out the storm as best you can. If you try to sail against it, you will get pounded and broken. When a woman is in the throws of powerful emotions, it is best not to try and stop them or control them, but ride them out with her. Provide a sheltered harbor where she can seek refuge from her storms.
3. WE ARE AFRAID
Women like to have safety and security. When we are afraid or insecure, they can smell it. Whether we are afraid of commitment, afraid of trying new things, or afraid of her, they will know and be turned off by it. Everyone is afraid of something, but the key is to not let the fear show through. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the act of overcoming fear. If we are courageous, they will see it and be comforted in that. Women want a hero who will fight at their side, not a coward who hides behind them.
4. WE SUCCUMB TO TARGET FIXATION
Men tend to focus like a laser on their objectives. We find a target, hunt it down and take it. We do not multi-task very well. We tend to fixate on that target to the exclusion of everything else. Whether that target is work, sports or something else, we can take our women for granted by not acknowledging them. Spread your attention around and make sure you are finding a balance between work and your partner. They need attention too, and if we don’t give it to them, they will find someone who does.
5. WE INVEST TOO HEAVILY IN ONE PLACE
Similar to target fixation, we men tend to invest in the places where we will see the biggest payoff. That may be work, hobbies or something else. We need to have a diverse portfolio, if you will. We need to invest time and energy in our partner as well as our work and recreational pursuits. If women feel that we are too interested in work or hobbies, they will feel neglected and unwanted. So, spread the love around.
6. WE ARE INDECISIVE
Be bold and decisive. Women love a man who can make a decision. To them it is a sign of strength and responsibility. When we refuse to make a decision, we are avoiding responsibility for that decision. Don’t put it off; make that decision and live by it. Being decisive is a sign of stability and responsibility. Both of these things are desirable by women because it means a safe and stable family environment. A decisive man is a strong and stable one. Indecision is tantamount to weakness and instability.
7. WE ARE OBLIVIOUS TO HER EMOTIONS
We are sometimes oblivious to the emotional states of women because we are often oblivious to our own emotional states. We just don’t care that much about how we feel about things. It isn’t important to us, so why is it so important to women? Because they are driven by emotions. It isn’t something that occasionally happens to them; it IS them. Try to be more alert to their emotions and be there to comfort and shelter rather than try to fix it. They don’t need fixing; they just need acceptance.
8. WE WANT TO FIX THINGS THAT AREN’T BROKEN
Men are natural fixers. We like fixing things. If we see a broken item, it becomes an underachieved goal, and we must reach that goal if we can. Fixing something makes us feel like we accomplished something. We feel better about ourselves and the universe when things are fixed and put back into order. Women are not things to be fixed. We cannot fix the things they come to us with emotionally. They may seem to be in distress and bubbling over with emotions, and we naturally want to fix that situation and make it better and more ordered. They don’t come to us with this stuff for us to fix it; they just want to be comforted and validated. So don’t try to fix it; just listen and try to understand.
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