If you are reading this, you are probably in a relationship. So, how do you know if your relationship is good for you? Do you feel insecure in your relationship? Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, author, and the Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association.
She studies suicide and violence as well as couples and family relations say that, “Insecurity, as most of us know firsthand, can be toxic to our closest relationships.” Reassure yourself about your relationship by asking yourself some simple questions concerning how you and your partner interact with each other.
11 SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOING WELL (EVEN IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT)
DO YOU STILL LAUGH TOGETHER?
If you do, then you are probably still doing well. Laughing together is a sign of intimacy; even if you are laughing at a silly cat video, it shows that you both can enjoy each others company without resorting to sex.
DO YOU SHARE SIMILAR GOALS?
Everyone has goals in their life, and those goals can change over time, but are you and your partner still on the same page when it comes to basic moral values and goals? If you are, it shows that you both want the same things out of life and are willing to commit to achieving them together.
DO YOU STILL TRUST EACH OTHER?
No relationship can survive without trust. So if you still trust each other, it shows that both of you are open and honest about your feelings, issues and desires with each other.
ARE YOU STILL INDIVIDUALS?
Relationships bring us together, but it is important to have alone time or time doing things that are important to you but that your partner isn’t so interested in. If you can go off separately to engage in your own hobbies or interests and then come back together, it shows a high degree of trust and support from your partner.
DO YOU STILL ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER?
Sometimes we want to start new things like a business or hobby, but are afraid or unsure. If your partner encourages you to do these things and supports your decisions, it shows that you are still have each others’ back. Cheerleading for each other and supporting your partner’s pursuits show selflessness and that things aren’t always about just one of you. A relationship is about what you both want.
DO YOU STILL TALK?
This seems like a no-brainer, but do you still talk over dinner or sit there scanning your smart phone? If you can still have a meaningful conversation over dinner without getting bored, then you are doing alright. Couples are with each other for many reasons, and one of those should be about discussing what is on your mind. Being able to talk and laugh over a meal with each other is a sign you are both still interested in one another.
DO YOU BOTH HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ABOUT EACH OTHER?
If you daydream about how your partner should be a certain way, then you may have an issue. Don’t expect your partner to be your version of perfection all the time and realize they are fallible humans like yourself. Then, you won’t get frustrated after they didn’t live up to the fantasy image of them you have developed in your head.
ARE YOU STILL A TEAM?
Do you still work together to accomplish daily tasks and chores like getting the kids ready for school or taking out the trash or folding the laundry? If you still see yourselves as a team and work to take care of each other and help each other, then your relationship is doing pretty good. Because you are a team, and think of yourselves as such, then neither of you will resent the other for having to a certain chore because you know your partner is taking care of something else that you in turn won’t have to do.
DO YOU STILL SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC?
Disagreeing about something is part and parcel of a relationship, but contradicting your partner in front of others is a sign of trouble. Remember folks, it is the two of you against the world and you have to have each others backs. If you have a concern, then pull your partner aside gently and discuss it quietly. If you both routinely present a united front, it probably means you are on the same page anyway and doing fine.
ARE YOU OPEN AND HONEST WITH EACH OTHER?
If you answered no, then you have a huge issue there. Partners in lasting relationships talk openly with their partners about embarrassing, humiliating or disappointing things in their life. They talk because they trust each other not to hurt them. Without that trust and openness, you are no longer friends, much less in a serious relationship. So when things are difficult, don’t hesitate to open up and share with your partner.
DO YOU DISCUSS OR DO YOU ARGUE?
Even if you hotly disagree with each other on a contentious issue, you should still be able to discuss your differences of opinion without resorting to yelling, screaming or name calling. If you are very upset and can still discuss the issue calmly, then that shows basic respect and appreciation for your partner’s opinions. Discussing also show that you can work toward a resolution you can both live with. And compromise is the key to a long lasting relationship.
If you answered positively to these questions, then your relationship is pretty rock solid. Dr. Abigail Brenner, a psychiatrist, says that “caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one’s partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed. “ If you have a loving, supportive and safe relationship with your partner, then your relationship is doing well.
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