5 Steps To Deal With Envy

steps-deal-envy
WE ALL GET TO FEEL IT FROM TIME TO TIME.
SOME OF US EVEN MORE OFTEN.

This uncomfortable sting in the soul when we meet that person who (in our view) has “it all”. Or perhaps only has what we desire, or we think we desire. Sometimes we don’t even know we envy, but we want to show ourselves in the front of that person that we are better than they are. All to diminish that troublesome feeling, which comes out of insecurity and often makes us feeling even more insecure. However, like it or not, this feeling of envy is there to communicate something valid to us.

On the other hand, I like to say with slight dose of sarcasm, that envy is like a spot on your bum, you don’t know you have it, but it itches you… so you scratch it until you make a little wound.

In every joke there is a seed of truth, but jokes apart. Let’s get a bit deeper into this envy thing. Here are a few ways to interpret this part of the human nature, so that we can make the best out of it. In a good way, of course.

NUMBER ONE: WORK OUT WHAT EXACTLY YOU ARE ENVIOUS OF.

This will tell you quite a lots about you. Is it the looks of people you envy? Or maybe their career, prestige or money? Their family? Find it out, as sometimes this isn’t as straight forward as we think. When you eventually “break it down”, firstly accept it. Just tell yourself that it’s OK to feel envious of that particular feature, as long as you do not harm the person you are envious of. Having said that, be also kind to yourself – try to understand where that feeling of envy came from. It could be that you envy someone’s fit body because you were lazy to look after yours, and now you don’t have it any more. It could be, that you never had a nice fit figure and you always struggled with your looks. It could be that you envy someone’s career because you had no opportunity to get the education that would allow you to do what you want, or maybe you actually had no confidence to believe in yourself that you could have that career too. Whatever the conclusion is, do not judge it. Just let it be.

NUMBER TWO: ASSESS YOUR ENVY.

With hand on your heart – do you actually envy what you think you do? Sounds a bit illogical, but have a think. Let’s say you envy someone’s personality. Why is that? Is it because this person has a lots of friends or adoration from opposite sex? If that’s the case, perhaps it is not their “extraordinary” personality you are after. Maybe it’s those people – friends (or lovers!) you believe you need more in your life. Why do you need more friends? Is there something you’re lacking in your social life? What does this tell you? And what if you find out that you actually have what you think you don’t?

NUMBER THREE: GET WHAT YOU TRULY WANT.

In other words once you find out what is that you want work on it. If this is what you truly want and it’s meant to be… it will happen. Perhaps not tomorrow, maybe not even in the next few months, but with your certainty and focus – it will. Do you envy people their focus, confidence and determination? Well, then work on it. Do little steps to start. Set a simple, but solid goal for yourself for a day and accomplish it. Then the next day. And so on… Little by little, step by step, thought by thought.

NUMBER FOUR: BECOME INSPIRED BY THE PERSON YOU FEEL ENVIOUS OF.

When you meet “that” person you can either choose to dislike them or stay neutral. You can try to make them feel bad, or you can choose to feel inspired by them to achieve what you envy, or even better – admire the person you are envious of. If they do something “big” that you’d love to do, ask them questions. In your heart, make them to become your life teacher. And if you possess the dignity of courage, or in other words have big balls, express your admiration to that person. There is nothing more liberating from the feeling of envy than acknowledging it to yourself and the “object” of it.

NUMBER FIVE: TREAT MEETING THE PERSON WHO’S GOT WHAT YOU ENVY AS A SIGN THAT YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK TO HAVE IT TOO.

Okay, let’s go heavy. Let’s say you tried for having a baby for several months, maybe years and it didn’t happen. Of course there could be at least a few reasons why you’re still not a parent. All you know though is, that you keep on meeting happy mothers and your friends having newborns. Difficult to be happy for others, if you don’t get what you think you deserve, or should have. But if you start to envy instead of feeling good about the fact that those around you have children, you only delay your dream coming true. You need to be very strong and very open-minded about it, because perhaps you are to complete this dream in a different form, or when you are truly ready, not when you think you are, but that’s a story for a spare post.

Yes! If you are meeting people who have what you’d really like instead of envying them treat this like a sign that you are on the way to be in the same (or sort of similar) position soon. Remember – your tribe attract your vibe and what you think you become. Be open minded and open hearted. Wish them well so yourself. You can’t envy and wish well at the same time. The choice is yours.

Source: Unified Soul Theory