Six Ways to Bully-Proof Your Child

It’s hard to say how a child becomes a bully. Some learn by watching their parents. Some see it on television. Others experience bullying themselves at the hands of older children, or even unkind adults. They learn to use bullying as a way of building themselves up when they feel small. It gives them a sense of power when they are most vulnerable. No matter how vigorously we fight against this dynamic, it would seem that bullying is an unfortunate and unavoidable fact of life for our children.

PREPARING OUR KIDS TO ENCOUNTER BULLIES HAS BECOME AS MUCH A PART OF MODERN PARENTING AS SINGING THE ALPHABET.

SO – HOW DO WE DO IT?

Here are six skills your child needs in order to face a bully with dignity and strength.

1. REACT IMMEDIATELY.

The longer a bully is able to continue their behavior without retaliation, the more power they build. Teach your child to act at the first sign of trouble. A bully who starts small is only testing the waters. They’re strengthening their sense of dominance. Teach your child to stand up for themselves with swiftness and confidence. The longer they wait, the harder it will be.

2. BE ASSERTIVE.

Define assertive behavior with your child. Differentiate it from passive behavior and aggressive behavior. Role-play a variety of bullying scenarios. Give them a chance to practice responses that are firm, but not combative. It can be difficult to teach children the line between standing up for oneself and responding to hate with more hate. However, it will be an important skill for them to carry into adulthood.

3. KEEP IT SIMPLE.

Your child does not need a clever script in order to shut down a bully. In fact, a simple response is often the best one. “Stop that!” is a firm and effective phrase. It can even be backed up with “I said, stop!”. The words your child uses are not nearly as important as their tone of voice and body language.

4. PRACTICE CONFIDENT NONVERBAL CUES.

Bullies feed off of anger and fear. They want to see their victim become rattled. By appearing confident and even-tempered, your child can regain control over the situation. Teach them to maintain eye contact and to firmly stand their ground. Practice using a calm and strong tone of voice. Teach your child to speak to the bully using their name. “Stop doing that, Billy!” is more personal, and can therefore be more effective.

5. TALK ABOUT TATTLING.

Many children worry that by asking for help, they will be labeled a tattletale. Teach your child the difference between tattling and asking an adult to intervene during a crisis. A child who is bullied and afraid to ask for help will feel more alone and marginalized than ever. Stay connected to your child. Actively nurture your relationship with them. This will help them to feel comfortable approaching you – and other adults – when they need help.

6. ENCOURAGE THEM TO STAND UP FOR OTHERS.

Teach your child to intervene when other children are being bullied. Often, it only takes one friend’s support to change an entire dynamic. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Knowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right.” If we want our children to change the world, we must empower them to do so.

“People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer,” wrote Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing. It is easy to feel angry when your child is being bullied. It’s much harder to remember that the bully himself is likely feeling vulnerable and alone. Teach your child to stand up for their rights. Encourage them to do so with kindness, authority, and grace. You are raising a leader of the next generation.

Source: Unified Soul Theory