Happiness- one common goal. We are all seeking happiness; happiness within ourselves, our families, our jobs and most importantly, our romantic relationships… ESPECIALLY our romantic relationships. The satisfaction that comes from a loving, committed relationship can make all the other problems of our life look insignificant.
So the question is if we all desire the same thing, then why do we fail so miserably in actually achieving it? According to a study, almost 40% of marriages end in divorce and the rate of break ups between unmarried couples is way too high to even fit into any of the surveys. We’ll be discussing the most common deal breakers in a relationship:
1. Different life goals
You and your partner need to be on the same page, always. After a while you two might find yourselves chasing different goals than what you once agreed on mutually, be it career goals or personal goals. One of you wants to relocate for a job while the other wants to stay, one wants to start a family while the other is not ready etc. If left unresolved it will eventually bring one or both the partners to a point where they have to choose between their relationship or their ambition. So, talk it out and find common ground.
If you find any of these red flags in your relationship, it’s time to make some amends. Relationships need a lot of care and love to sustain. Every relationship has its ups and downs but breaking out of these damaging patterns assures longevity and happiness in a relationship.
2. Not letting go of the past
Constantly bringing up previous fights will create resentment in your partner. How can you move ahead if you have your back towards the future as you keep looking at the past. Also, comparing your present partner to your ex will do you no good, there’s a reason why you two broke up in the first place. Let bygones be bygones, don’t let your past mess up your present. Learn to accept and move on. You can never succeed in your relationship if you have one foot in the future and one in the past.
3. Distance/lack of communication
You can be in the same room as your partner and still be miles apart, emotional distance can wreck a relationship more than physical distance. Communication is the key towards building a strong relationship. How can you keep them happy if you no longer know what makes them happy, their likes, dislikes, in order to understand their needs, wants, opinions you need to talk to them, it’s that simple. Distance creates misunderstandings, conflicts and general boredom. Don’t ignore your partner, indifference is like slow poison it slowly works its way up and kills the relationship. Be emotionally available to each other, your partner should be your support system.
Emotions such as anger, uncertainty, jealousy, insecurity are parts of any relationship but too much of these feelings can damage the relationship tremendously. The kind of energy you bring in the relationship determines the type of relationship you will have. Anger which turns into enraged outbursts, insults, screaming and eventually hitting your partner and jealousy which turns into constant snooping around, lack of trust and increased accusations, prepare to enter a negative cycle. Instead of promoting these negative emotions, address them in time and combat them with positivity. Bring in love, care, encouragement and trust.
5. Lack of excitement
It is pretty common for couples to stop making efforts for each other after a while, as a result the initial excitement of the relationship wears off and it becomes more of a habit. The good morning texts stops, the hour long calls die, the compliments are forgotten and the date nights don’t seem necessary anymore, in short the relationship becomes ‘boring’ and nobody wants to be in a boring relationship.
This is the number one cause of infidelity, people searching for excitement outside the relationship. So, make your relationship your priority, don’t take these things for granted. Give your partner time,listen to their stories, send I love you texts (literally takes 2 minutes), plan out activities together, try new things.. Don’t become the ‘same old’ couple. Keep the passion ongoing, be spontaneous, be alive!
It takes two to build a relationship, one person cannot be the axis of any relationship, that will only create an imbalance. You cannot be the only one deciding which movie to watch, or choose which restaurant to go to or which city to live in etc. Even if it initially works out, the person being repressed will eventually get tired of this selfish attitude, it will all start with a small fight which will lead to bigger ones and the relationship will start going down the hill.
Remember you’re a team, partners. Be considerate towards your partner, leave the boss-employee attitude for the office, be kind, don’t make everything about you. Don’t degrade your partner, consider their views and respect their opinions. When you have arguments don’t try to have the last word, feed your love not your ego. There’s a reason why narcissism has been declared as personality disorder, it will never let you have a firm bond with anyone. Shift the focus from me to ‘us’. Learn to compromise.
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